In case anyone's wondering, girl porn is like guy porn to the extent that it depicts fantasies of life in a world where people live only to please you. But the plots are much, much more sophisticated. Sometimes the plots are downright subtle. Let's visit:
GIRLPORN 1: A FANTASY IN MULTIPLE ACTS
A nice-looking man, fully and neatly clothed, is at the sink, rinsing large cooking tools.
He speaks:
Honey, tell me where these go before I put them in the wrong place.
An average-looking woman, a few pounds beyond svelte and a few days beyond really needing a good haircut, answers:
The whisks go in the whisk drawer, silly, but the large fork goes with the other barbecue tools, and the locking tongs go next to the whisk.
He smiles, opens the right drawers, checks carefully that no spots or specks were missed during washing, and puts each item in the right place.
Note what does not happen: he does not ask what a whisk is, where the whisk drawer is and whether so many whisks in so many sizes are really necessary. Nor does he inquire after the whereabouts of the barbecue tools, neither does he look like he's even wondering what a locking tongs is. Girl porn is subtle. Pay attention.
He speaks again:
I could use another cup of coffee. I'll make some when I'm done here, would you like some?
She:
Thanks, but this time of night I'd really rather have herbal tea.
He:
No problem, coming right up. Want lemon with it or lime?
Again, note what doesn't happen: he doesn't moan about putting another pot on the stove, he doesn't ask where the herbal tea is, and he knows what flavor she likes late at night.
We move on, same setting, same couple. The doorbell rings:
He:
Don't get up, I'll get it. It's probably the plumber.
She:
Right on time, too!
He:
Well, I should hope so after all the trouble I took explaining how busy you are and that you don't have time to wait for the tail end of a 12-hour time frame.
He opens the door and the Plumber is there. The Plumber speaks:
Before I take my shoes off, is this the door closest to the problem, or should I go to another entrance?
She:
No, that's fine.
Plumber:
Thanks, the office notes on the problem are a little unclear. Would you mind explaining it to me once more? I don't want to waste time looking for the wrong thing.
She:
Sure, I've noticed a decrease in pressure in the bathroom faucets, and I think it may be due to a frammis in the rackafratz in this wall. There's an access panel in the basement ceiling that will let you check it.
Plumber:
Thank you, I hate making a mess in peoples' homes. And may I say, your clear and concise explanation was most helpful. Few people have such a sound grasp of the science of plumbing. Well, I won't waste time chatting, I'll get started.
A little later:
Plumber:
I'm glad I have all the parts on my truck so I don't have to make a new appointment after I open a wall.
Later still:
Plumber:
Well, that's that. Here's the bill, and let me point out, you saved a bundle with your accurate diagnosis. Not only my charges, but the disaster to your foundation that would have occurred if you hadn't been paying attention.
She:
Oh, good, and thank you for your prompt arrival and neat work.
Plumber leaves, carefully closing door.
There is a loud popping noise.
He holds out a glass of champagne:
Here's to you, light of my life, you always come through for us even before I know there's a problem.
are you starting to see what this is about? hmm, maybe this should be a regular feature?
GIRLPORN 2: PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE
An elementary school classroom, First Grade.SHE is leaning against the shelf under the window, gazing at the bulletin board. TEACHER, a cute young woman in her early 20's, speaks:
TEACHER:
I hope this appointment is convenient for you. I'm so glad I could come in early, I know you must have lots of important things to do.
SHE (sometimes PARENT in this post):
Actually, yes, so I'd like to get started, if we can.
TEACHER:
Of course. I was just waiting for the principal. He was so happy that he was free for this appointment, because --
Classroom door opens. A tall, distinguished-looking man enters. He is the
PRINCIPAL:
Good morning, Parent, I'll only take a moment. I just wanted to tell you personally what a pleasure it is to have Child in our school. I've rarely met a young person with such a sophisticated intellect and such mature social skills. Child is a born problem-solver, and does it politely, too.
TEACHER:
That's how I'd describe Child, too.
PRINCIPAL:
But of course, Teacher, you have more specific things to report. Well, I'll be going. Thank you again, Parent.
SHE:
How kind of you to stop in. Thank you.
PRINCIPAL:
I can see where Child has learned manners. It's so satisfying to start the day on a high note.
Principal leaves.
TEACHER:
I'll start by pointing out Child's artwork. Note: Teacher knows who Child is! There seems to be a lot, but that's because the other children don't want me to take it down when I do the boards every week, even though Child thinks it isn't fair. Now, on to academic skills. Child is actually doing Reading with the Fourth Graders, but Fourth Grade Teacher is at a family funeral today, so she asked me to pass on to you that Child's reading is surpassing the Fourth Grade level, and if Child continues to read like this over the sumner - oh, and she says she's sure Child reads a lot at home - well, anyhow, we'll have to see how to accomodate Child's needs in the fall. Actually, Child may have an idea. Child has said summer would be a good time to write a novel, so perhaps the fall project could be working with an editor.
As to math - a whiz. Child's only difficulty is remembering to write down all the steps to solving a problem - Child solves them mentally and then moves on. Child does seem to find our science sessions boring, especially since the cutbacks, but is very patient and polite. I've ordered special materials.
SHE:
Excuse my interruption, but The Grandparents want to get Child a laptop. What are your thoughts?
TEACHER:
Oh, my goodness, from the way Child reprogrammed our attendance system, I thought Child already had one!
SHE:
No, we've limited Child's computer time, and while we're sure Child wouldn't remove parental controls from a laptop, there's no point in asking for trouble, is there? Hm, guess I've answered my own question.
Door opens again.
PRINCIPAL:
I'm back, I almost forgot! The school district is doing a Parent-Teacher Workshop in a few weeks, and I was hoping that you would be able to be a panelist on Home Influences: Essential Parenting. In fact, if you agree to speak about Parenting, we won't need anyone else.
SHE:
Well -
PRINCIPAL (grins ruefully):
Yes, I know "parent" is not a verb, but we deal with educators.
SHE:
I'm still trying to get my head around that topic. Something about the title is a little ....
PRINCIPAL:
Ms. Parent, we'll be happy to hear you on any topic, and we'll call the session anything you want.
SHE:
I have to finish drafting the initial constitution of an Emerging Nation this week, but perhaps next week I'll be able to focus on your request, and I'll let you know.
TEACHER and PRINCIPAL:
Of course, of course, thank you, thank you.
PRINCIPAL leaves.
TEACHER:
Forgive me, I must tell you, I so admire your sense of style. That outfit - and everything fits you so perfectly! I have to ask, are your things custom-made?
SHE smiles mysteriously, holds out her hand. They shake hands and SHE leaves.
In case anyone's wondering, girl porn is like guy porn to the extent that it depicts fantasies of life in a world where people live only to please you. But the plots are much, much more sophisticated. Sometimes the plots are downright subtle. Let's visit:
GIRLPORN 1: A FANTASY IN MULTIPLE ACTS
A nice-looking man, fully and neatly clothed, is at the sink, rinsing large cooking tools.
He speaks:
We move on, same setting, same couple. The doorbell rings:
He:
Plumber:
Plumber:
There is a loud popping noise.
He holds out a glass of champagne:
He speaks:
Honey, tell me where these go before I put them in the wrong place.An average-looking woman, a few pounds beyond svelte and a few days beyond really needing a good haircut, answers:
The whisks go in the whisk drawer, silly, but the large fork goes with the other barbecue tools, and the locking tongs go next to the whisk.He smiles, opens the right drawers, checks carefully that no spots or specks were missed during washing, and puts each item in the right place.
Note what does not happen: he does not ask what a whisk is, where the whisk drawer is and whether so many whisks in so many sizes are really necessary. Nor does he inquire after the whereabouts of the barbecue tools, neither does he look like he's even wondering what a locking tongs is. Girl porn is subtle. Pay attention.He speaks again:
I could use another cup of coffee. I'll make some when I'm done here, would you like some?She:
Thanks, but this time of night I'd really rather have herbal tea.He:
No problem, coming right up. Want lemon with it or lime?
Again, note what doesn't happen: he doesn't moan about putting another pot on the stove, he doesn't ask where the herbal tea is, and he knows what flavor she likes late at night.
We move on, same setting, same couple. The doorbell rings:He:
Don't get up, I'll get it. It's probably the plumber.She:
Right on time, too!He:
Well, I should hope so after all the trouble I took explaining how busy you are and that you don't have time to wait for the tail end of a 12-hour time frame.He opens the door and the Plumber is there. The Plumber speaks:
Before I take my shoes off, is this the door closest to the problem, or should I go to another entrance?She:
No, that's fine.Plumber:
Thanks, the office notes on the problem are a little unclear. Would you mind explaining it to me once more? I don't want to waste time looking for the wrong thing.She:
Sure, I've noticed a decrease in pressure in the bathroom faucets, and I think it may be due to a frammis in the rackafratz in this wall. There's an access panel in the basement ceiling that will let you check it.Plumber:
Thank you, I hate making a mess in peoples' homes. And may I say, your clear and concise explanation was most helpful. Few people have such a sound grasp of the science of plumbing. Well, I won't waste time chatting, I'll get started.A little later:
Plumber:
I'm glad I have all the parts on my truck so I don't have to make a new appointment after I open a wall.Later still:
Plumber:
Well, that's that. Here's the bill, and let me point out, you saved a bundle with your accurate diagnosis. Not only my charges, but the disaster to your foundation that would have occurred if you hadn't been paying attention.She:
Oh, good, and thank you for your prompt arrival and neat work.Plumber leaves, carefully closing door.
There is a loud popping noise.
He holds out a glass of champagne:
Here's to you, light of my life, you always come through for us even before I know there's a problem.are you starting to see what this is about? hmm, maybe this should be a regular feature?
An elementary school classroom, First Grade.SHE is leaning against the shelf under the window, gazing at the bulletin board. TEACHER, a cute young woman in her early 20's, speaks:
TEACHER:
I hope this appointment is convenient for you. I'm so glad I could come in early, I know you must have lots of important things to do.
SHE (sometimes PARENT in this post):
Actually, yes, so I'd like to get started, if we can.
TEACHER:
Of course. I was just waiting for the principal. He was so happy that he was free for this appointment, because --
Classroom door opens. A tall, distinguished-looking man enters. He is the
PRINCIPAL:
Good morning, Parent, I'll only take a moment. I just wanted to tell you personally what a pleasure it is to have Child in our school. I've rarely met a young person with such a sophisticated intellect and such mature social skills. Child is a born problem-solver, and does it politely, too.
TEACHER:
That's how I'd describe Child, too.
PRINCIPAL:
But of course, Teacher, you have more specific things to report. Well, I'll be going. Thank you again, Parent.
SHE:
How kind of you to stop in. Thank you.
PRINCIPAL:
I can see where Child has learned manners. It's so satisfying to start the day on a high note.
Principal leaves.
TEACHER:
I'll start by pointing out Child's artwork. Note: Teacher knows who Child is! There seems to be a lot, but that's because the other children don't want me to take it down when I do the boards every week, even though Child thinks it isn't fair. Now, on to academic skills. Child is actually doing Reading with the Fourth Graders, but Fourth Grade Teacher is at a family funeral today, so she asked me to pass on to you that Child's reading is surpassing the Fourth Grade level, and if Child continues to read like this over the sumner - oh, and she says she's sure Child reads a lot at home - well, anyhow, we'll have to see how to accomodate Child's needs in the fall. Actually, Child may have an idea. Child has said summer would be a good time to write a novel, so perhaps the fall project could be working with an editor.
As to math - a whiz. Child's only difficulty is remembering to write down all the steps to solving a problem - Child solves them mentally and then moves on. Child does seem to find our science sessions boring, especially since the cutbacks, but is very patient and polite. I've ordered special materials.
As to math - a whiz. Child's only difficulty is remembering to write down all the steps to solving a problem - Child solves them mentally and then moves on. Child does seem to find our science sessions boring, especially since the cutbacks, but is very patient and polite. I've ordered special materials.
SHE:
Excuse my interruption, but The Grandparents want to get Child a laptop. What are your thoughts?
TEACHER:
Oh, my goodness, from the way Child reprogrammed our attendance system, I thought Child already had one!
SHE:
No, we've limited Child's computer time, and while we're sure Child wouldn't remove parental controls from a laptop, there's no point in asking for trouble, is there? Hm, guess I've answered my own question.
Door opens again.
PRINCIPAL:
I'm back, I almost forgot! The school district is doing a Parent-Teacher Workshop in a few weeks, and I was hoping that you would be able to be a panelist on Home Influences: Essential Parenting. In fact, if you agree to speak about Parenting, we won't need anyone else.
SHE:
Well -
PRINCIPAL (grins ruefully):
Yes, I know "parent" is not a verb, but we deal with educators.
SHE:
I'm still trying to get my head around that topic. Something about the title is a little ....
PRINCIPAL:
Ms. Parent, we'll be happy to hear you on any topic, and we'll call the session anything you want.
SHE:
I have to finish drafting the initial constitution of an Emerging Nation this week, but perhaps next week I'll be able to focus on your request, and I'll let you know.
TEACHER and PRINCIPAL:
Of course, of course, thank you, thank you.
PRINCIPAL leaves.
TEACHER:
Forgive me, I must tell you, I so admire your sense of style. That outfit - and everything fits you so perfectly! I have to ask, are your things custom-made?
SHE smiles mysteriously, holds out her hand. They shake hands and SHE leaves.
GIRLPORN 3: THE CATERED AFFAIR
Fantastic. Thank you. I loved reading it all. Den xx
ReplyDelete