crushing on the bucket bag

As so many crushes do, my crush on the smaller of the two sizes of the J.Crew Bucket Bag ended when I got to know it better.

First the good: I still love the color - I got it in the tan or tannish shade, and it is delightfully neutral, hasn't turned pink in daylight or orange-yellow in evening light. So it goes with almost everything, colorwise, that is, it's not a dressy bag. It's nicely made, no major complaints with stitching, no noticeable flaws in the leather. Surface is textured, minimizing possibility of scratches. And I got it in the smaller of its two sizes, but it still holds a lot. Finally, it's not heavy when empty.

The just OK: the strap is a non-adjustable shoulder strap. After a day of errands, I caught sight of myself in a mirror and understood the reason I felt so tired and irritated: I'd been walking with one shoulder hunched seriously higher than the other all day. Had I focused on self earlier, I would have figured this out before the crick in the neck set in. I can't see how to shorten the strap without spending way too much for what I'd have when the project was done, either.

Don't like: this is my first experience since 10th grade with a bag that has depth. It has not been a happy few days. I like an organized bag, and if you do, too, this is not for you. There are also security issues, because the top is open. I know, I know, that's the style, and I should have known better.... A cute little clasp brings the top edges together, but the bag doesn't really close. Even with the clasp doing its best, I had to put a seatbelt on the bag to prevent my daily life from spilling out all over the car during normal driving. Normal driving out at Flintstone Manor does include a few swerves to avoid cars driven by people who believe their entitlement to the road outranks mine, but still...  There's one zip pocket and two open pockets in the lining, but with an open top, they're not much help.

Conclusion: I'm keeping it, because it's sporty and summery, but I'm annoyed with myself because despite my very best intentions I have wound up with still another bag of very limited usefulness.

Update: My friend KnitYarns asked why getting the bag altered is such a big deal. Ooh, lots of reasons - everything costs more around here, and although I got the bag on promo, I still paid more than I would have had I waited, so I don't feel like investing any more in it. And here's why I don't want to take it into any old shoe repair guy:
The center of the strap is a contoured insert which can't be fussed with.

On each end, the insert connects to a thinner strap, which is fixed closed with a rivet or grommet (or both?) assembly, as well as stitched shut.

The little tab on the bag that holds the loop can't be fussed with.

That leaves the non-insert end of each thin strap.

And another grommety-rivety thing ... Oh, well.

signs of spring at Flintstone Manor

We're still recovering from overindulgence in New Orleans, but we're making a real effort to eat and drink prudently for the next few weeks, as we'll be off to Paris (and London) soon. It would be nice - and no doubt better for the circulation - if our city-wandering clothes fit. At least until after the first few restaurants...

Abstinence doesn't agree with us, and so the discussions of which exhibits we should book in advance, whether we want to organize any day trips out of the city, which monuments that were closed for repair have reopened, are not placid. These discussions have usually taken place over a glass of wine, with some nice cheese at the ready. It's thirsty work. This time, the discussions are accompanied by bubbly water (me) and diet coke (Himself), no nibbles, and random snarls. Sigh.

One of the things on my to-do list is to check out the new H & M concept store, which is called & Other Stories. New branches have opened in both London and Paris. The mission statement mentions their wish to design lasting wardrobe treasures within a wide price range. The "lasting treasures" bit sounds good. We'll see.

Another happy note is a Chagall exhibit at the Luxembourg Gardens in Paris.  I bought our tickets today!

Some early rising to call and make restaurant reservations,  baleful gazes at the long-range average rainfall statistics from weather.com,  disingenuous assurances that a small carry-on will suffice (he believes it every time),  mutterings about the fate of last year's packable raincoat -  yes, these are the signs of Spring at Flintstone Manor.

Kate Spade clutches: Judith Leiber for the masses? Fred rewards self for letting fools live.

In an episode of “Sex and the City,” Big presented Carrie with a tiny crystallized Judith Leiber purse shaped like a bird. Carrie was horrified - did he not know she was a cool downtown girl and not an Upper East Side Matron? Did he want her to (gasp!) be an Upper East Side matron? The relationship didn't recover until at least the next season. 

I'm too clumsy to deal with minaudières or tiny clutches, let alone tiny clutches that are cuter than I am and do not need to have a purpose in life, even if that purpose is only holding some change and some emergency equipment (see this post on the wherewithall for very tiny emergencies), but I was hurt that Carrie would disparage the Judith Leiber clutches as not cool. To my mind, there are few things cooler than not needing to carry stuff. One would have people for that. Including people to hold the precious clutch if I wanted to dance or dash over to another table, so I wouldn't have to leave it on the table, and other people to bring the clutch its "sleep bag" so it wouldn't get dinged when I wasn't making an entrance. After all, these things cost between $2000 and $5000. American.

Other cute clutches are the Kate Spade themed clutches, which cost about one-tenth of the Judith Lieber minaudieres, depending upon whether or not you strike it lucky at a sale.


At the last Kate Spate once-in-a-lifetime
sale, the one before the one that was going to end on Tuesday  but was mysteriously extended, I showed myself my appreciation for my infinite patience and tolerance by purchasing the Woody. It is not small. It holds a lot of small things. It is exceptionally well-constructed. OK, this is starting to sound like the IMDB of a porn star. I will start over. It has a full-length zipper along the ...

Let's change the subject and look at some Judith Leiber minaudières.

Awwwww.
These are maybe 4 and 7 inches in one direction or another, I confess I've never been close enough to a real one to run the first joint of my thumb over it - you knew about the thumb, right? On most people, the first joint (not including any part of the fingernail that extends past flesh) is one inch long. The non-metric measurements add so much color to life!

Now, for the People's Answer to Minaudières - the cute clutches which (1) can actually hold stuff, and (2) will not require you to sell body parts to someone who won't tell you who he's acting for:

ok, full disclosure, this is the Sunglasses Clutch
and there was also a Sunglasses Change purse
which was too cute to leave alone so I bought it
(change purse, not clutch) at the previous sale.

The "book" clutches have gotten a lot of blog-love, so I won't be repetitive (about those, anyway). Also beloved and hunted is a rather large creation known as the Typewriter Bag, which appeared and disappeared on the KS sale site the other day. I restrained myself. But ooohh, is it adorable (or it would be adorable if it were smaller).

I'm patting myself on the back for having resisted still another bag on the Kate Spade sale. But the sales keep coming, and as I said in my previous post, I don't make real-life predictions involving real-life people. Especially me.

how to tell fortunes and read horoscopes and be always right

When things got dull at one of Himself's business events - no doubt you will be shocked to learn that this happened with astounding frequency - I would entertain myself. Sometimes I would hone in on the very oldest female present and ask her to tell me about her graduation dress. Sometimes I would ask women who'd spent their lives building their husbands' careers, "What's the worst place you ever lived?" Sometimes I'd ask - man or woman, whoever I was stuck sitting next to - "Does it sometimes surprise you how your life turned out?" After a glass or two of something nice, these kinds of questions sound kind and interested, not personal or prying, and quite often lead to conversations that you're glad to have had.

But all too often, our corporate/charitable/fraternal hosts didn't spend enough on potables, the minute hand moved sloooowwwwwly... and at these times I would say to the woman sitting closest to me, "I'm sensing that you have a unique identity. May I?" Following which, I'd pick up her hand, stare at the palm, and say something like "huh, not as bad as you're thinking." 

Well, who doesn't want to hear that? It's certainly more believable than telling someone that Publishers' Clearing House will be at the door tomorrow. Even the most over-privileged, over-educated among us would be curious enough to ask "Um, can you, ER, see anything else?"

Of course I could. I would see someone in your life or approaching it who wishes he could live up to the person he really believes you are. Cloudily, natch.

I would see clouds, but also I would see resilience.

I would see a lack of appreciation that my subject could rise above.

I would see old (but nameless) hurts that my subject was almost ready to let go.

People underestimate you, I would say sadly.

These thing are true of all of us. I would never see a sudden great love or a miraculous recovery.

There are good things, I'd say, but maybe not right away. 

There is a great likelihood that any man over 70 who still has a short haircut and good posture will respond to "You are stronger than you give yourself credit for."

The warm response I received to all of this - "Your lady is charming!" "What a fascinating woman!" 

Now here is where I admit that due to some episodes in an otherwise thoroughly delightful and misspent youth, I have a built-in Mean Fratboy Detector, and quite often I would amuse myself by saying to such, "huh, are you due for a checkup?"

The effects of this kind of prognostication are called the "Barnum effect." Research shows that many people tend to accept very general or vague characterizations of themselves and take them to be accurate. A good example of this can be seen when people believe what is said about them in psychometric tests, personality profiles, astrological predictions, and so on. If, on a long train ride, you've picked up a discarded newspaper or magazine, and read your horoscope or your numerology for the week, better than five to seven that you've recognized a characteristic that you believe you have or a situation then pending in your life. C'mon, who isn't waiting for that opportunity/ man/ woman/ decision/ event? I was relieved, actually, to discover the Barnum Effect, because the idea that some dingbat writing a column knows more about my life and fascinating personality than I do was unappetizing.

The phenomenon is named after P.T. Barnum, who made lots of money from his keen analysis of what people are likely to believe. Of course, the more the "reader" knows about the subject, the more credible the "reading" will be. If you tell a man who is a partner or a principal in a private bank, venture capital firm, insurance agency, law firm, financial services firm, etc., that his partners don't appreciate his true contribution, you have a 95% chance - not of being right, but that your subject thinks you have powers and may even know something. If you tell a woman who's in a relationship other than conventional marriage that someone close to her looks like an adult but is not really grown up inside, oh, will you get her attention.

No, I don't do parties. This is for my own selfish amusement. Sometimes my sister, if present, listens in. She used to do it, too, but stopped when she stepped over our self-imposed line and actually made a prediction of something specific. Which came true. No, thank you.

Some of you are wondering (yes, I can "see" it) how Himself behaves at my Events of Professional Obligation. Sadly, the Double Standard still stalks the earth. As long as your male Plus One looks like he'll remain vertical for the balance of the evening, doesn't burst into song, doesn't smell funny, and is sufficiently presentable that people don't fear he'll try to borrow money, the response will be "Great guy," or "Think we could refer the xxxxx to his company?"

mom's rules for life - a Mothers' Day memory

I daydreamed through high school physics, but I do remember hearing that "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

This is true of proverbs: compare Many hands make light work with Too many cooks spoil the broth. On Mother's Day, I happened to remember my mom fearlessly bending proverbs and sayings to serve whatever parental purpose needed emphasis. 

Thus you will not be surprised to learn that the same lady who insisted that you should never judge people by appearances, because you can't judge a book by its cover told my sister I don't need to get to know that guy, he looks like a bum and he's up to no good. And when Sister Dear persisted, Mom brought the discussion to a close: don't tell me I'll like him when I get to know him, I can read him like a book.

Mom's approach to proverbs and sayings was my introduction to situational ethics.

After all, if both things weren't true at least some of the time, there wouldn't be two proverbs.

The sun just came out, so that's enough critical thinking for one Mother's Day. I hope all of you have some enjoyable memories to share, and Happy Mother's Day to all. 

in case of a teeny tiny emergency, a little smidgen of preparedness

When I'm on the road, I always have some bandaids and pins tucked in the bottom of what I laughingly call my "cosmetic bag" - less than a quarter of the bag's contents are cosmetics in the strict sense of the word. This is the little wheelie bag that holds moisturizer, eye cream, prescription creams and ointments for dry skin, shampoo, conditioner, hair stuff, nail stuff, the migraine pills, the allergy stuff, vitamins... the "drugstore bag" might be a better name. Except that there's also an emergency set of socks and underwear, and if Girl Scout Thin Mints came in a travel size, you can bet I'd order a gross. For emergencies, you know. Mustn't forget the little sewing/mending kits from hotel rooms. There's not enough thread of any single color to handle a real emergency, like a falling hemline, and the needles have to be threaded by telepathy, but it's one of those instances where it's the "thought that counts." Before the TSA classified many useful things, including mascara, as potentially dangerous, I travelled with a stapler for hem issues. The holes that a staple makes are smaller than needle holes, so you're not damaging any fabric that wouldn't be hurt by a pin or needle.

Handbags - well, a severely edited version of the "cosmetic" bag's emergency supplies, plus a normal person's purse contents, and a mirror. Oh, and of course I don't gallop around town bearing underwear. Imagine groping for your J.Crew card and coming up with a not-so-teeny GapBody product. Evening bags tend to be J.Crew Invitation Clutches. At one time I collected these - suede, tweed, embellished, satin... These don't allow the bearer to be prepared for any emergency except one that requires flat equipment: yes to a bandaid, yes to a credit card, yes to small hanky, no to tissue pack, no to anything round, no to all reading glasses except the very expensive tiny rectangular antique spectacles. I saw a pair in platinum with diamonds on the earpieces, and did I think "What nerve! Obscene price! Bloated capitalism at its worst!" or any similar reaction? Noooo, I thought, "These might be perfect for my Invitation Clutches." Even quarters for parking meters shows through the fabric of the satin clutches. On the other hand, carrying a large satchel or tote when setting out for an evening with friends can be off-putting. To my eye, it looks like the bearer is expecting the worst, somewhere in there are tuna sandwiches, Mace and a fire extinguisher. In case you were worried, I'm now about convinced I have enough Invitation Clutches.

And so we come to the Minimergency Kit offered by J.Crew in the latest rollout. As it happens, I found one of these in my Christmas stocking, so I've had time to think about it. It's a little zipped bag, maybe 2" x 3 1/2 x 2", and is described as an:
ingenious mini-pack full of 17 must-haves: hair spray, clear nail polish, nail polish remover, an emery board, lip balm, earring backs, clear elastics, a mending kit, double-sided Shemergency tape, stain remover, a deodorant towelette, pain reliever, a tampon, breath freshener, dental floss, a safety pin and an adhesive bandage. The doll-sized mini-tampon belongs in the medecine cabinet of a precocious child's dollhouse and bears no relation to human anatomy. Although come to think of it, it might be useful for a small nosebleed.

As to the rest: you know how some people are immune to certain otherwise well-regarded remedies? Well, I'm immune to double-sided tape. I've tried several brands, including Hollywood Tape, and there's just something about the energy I generate, when a hem decides to fall down, it stays fallen. Leaving a trail of tape pieces doesn't add to the graceful impression. Nor does this product work on shirt gaps for those of us with boobage. Toss. Although if this tape works for you, you are among the lucky, and you should keep it.
My real issues with the kit are not with the utility of the products. For each product, there's no doubt someone to whom it could be a possible lifesaver. Rather, it's that most of the products are single-use items. Even if the generic deodorant wipe is to your liking, you'll use it once and have to track down refills. Same for the single - unwrapped - bandage. Otherwise put, after the first emergency, you'll be in the process of creating your own emergency kit. And it's too bulky for the Invitation Clutch. And J.Crew is charging $18 for it, while the same thing, in an equally fetching choice of colors, is $13 everywhere else, including the Minimergency people's own website.

What a worried society we've become. My mom's preparedness advice was "Take a sweater." In Spring or Fall, she'd issue umbrella reminders. She would have been horrified that people actually had clothes that could come apart unexpectedly, or that a nice girl would leave the house without checking herself. Except, of course, in case of emergency.

What emergencies is your purse prepared for?

a look (through 60 spf) at Key West

With the disappearance of my trusty iPhone, the planned New Orleans posts fell by the wayside. This post has been around in draft for a while, and today - rainy, cold, cloudy and no phone - seemed like a good time to think about sunshine. My friend DaniBP was wondering what it would be like to live in Key West, Florida, all year round, and since we've been back, I've given that question a lot of thought.

Key West is a conglomeration of - everything! If you look in one direction, there's a gated community populated by retired military and some serious midwest money. A few blocks the other way, you'll stumble into a bar that knows no closing time and is variously populated by superannuated hippies, thirsty tourists, writers in search of local color and spring breakers. There are any number of art galleries, very little art, a lot of "souvenir art." There's no fine dining, not really, but the Tex-Mex is world-class, and people actually come to our favorite Tex-Mex - Chico's - straight from the airport.

A wonderful colorful bar is called The HalfShell/Eat It Raw, and we stop in 2 or 3 times in a week for spicy conch chowder, garlic oysters, Florida peel&eat pink shrimp.

There are a number of  restaurants with more pretension, we always try one or two, we applaud the effort (somebody's dream, after all) but regret the frustration. Yes, red wine is served room temperature in France, but that refers to the temperature of a room with stone walls in a château without central heating, not to a shelf in a restaurant kitchen in a semi-tropical climate. We shock Writer/Actor/Photojournalists (a/k/a waitstaff) by asking for an ice bucket.

And yet, year after year, the ocean, the casual mix of people, the relaxed attitude toward life, toward art, toward cooking... pulls us back. Key West is almost unmatched for natural beauty, and now that the "other" (non-tourist) side of the island has 2 or 3 major supermarkets and some big-box stores and drugstores, we don't have to worry if we forgot something and will wind up driving 40 minutes or paying $16 for a small tube of toothpaste. And even if your morning plans are as mundane as hitting the supermarket for beer and unscented detergent, you never know what you'll find.

 We set out to pick up a nice little bottle of red -- did I mention that the supermarkets have respectable wine and beer departments? this is civilization! -- and there were the Budweiser Clydesdales, antique horse-drawn fire engine, exceptionally well-trained Dalmatian and all. No idea how the Clydesdales got there, and they weren't talking.

Key West offers accommodations which range from the ultra-luxurious and ultra-expensive to the really scary, and there's plenty of choice in-between. We've tried hotels, short-term condo rentals, and b&bs, and we come back to the condo answer when we can. The b&bs are not inexpensive and the rooms and comfort vary greatly. We stayed at one that we thought was on the expensive size but otherwise fine, stayed there a second time and were given a much inferior room which our hosts couldn't or wouldn't change. This is a shot of their back garden, shamelessly copied from their website. As is true of many b&bs, the owners put their money into the public spaces, not the mattresses and showers.

We've generally been happy with condos that we've found on the web, taking care of course to check out the location - many condo buildings or complexes have rental pools. This time, the condo complex we've used several times was doing storm-related repairs to all of its balconies and its roof this winter. Fortunately, this condition was mentioned on their website. We booked into a suite motel, where the repairs were said to be finished. And by and large they were - leaving room for the fact that this is relaxed, laid-back Key West.

Year-round ownership is prohibitively expensive, just watch HouseHunters as people try to convince themselves that a $2.75 million (US) two-bedroom cottage in a downtown area doesn't really need a lot of renovation. Rentals are available, probably the best deals are the condos that people have bought as investment properties and plan to sell or renovate when they retire. Given what's been happening to the anticipated retirement age for a lot of folks, there might even be longer-term rentals available. Like anywhere else, if you want to be somewhere picturesque and in the middle of things, it will cost you.

The beaches are shallow. Very shallow.

But the sunshine and moderate climate are infinite. Yes, even though this is South Florida, the geography - at the tip of a peninsula - is such that it's rarely horribly hot and almost never freezing cold.

And although the cost of living can be sky-high, there are still many traces of the "Bohemian" lifestyle of the 50's and 60's. For example, some neighborhood groceries stay open quite late.

Private houses in Key West are charming, vary in size, have delightful architectural features - and sky-high prices. We've gone on a few house tours, and I strongly recommend doing this if there's one going on when you visit. There are a number of organizations, arts, charitable, educational, ecological - that sponsor them. A lot of the hurricane damage to homes has been repaired, to the exterior eye, at least, and a lot of places with "character" now look fresh and spiffy. There are also garden tours, plants really really flourish here.

Sports - anything to do with boats and water can be done here, and it's fun to walk along the docks and look at the different boats. You'll see everything from a wildly painted dinghy to a luxurious yacht to a Disney cruiseship. For some reason, there's an oceanside bocce court with some serious leagues, and some lonesome snowbirds support a rink and The Southernmost Hockey League. Wildlife - imagine eating lunch at a seafood shack on the water and looking down to see a wandering manatee.

And of course the Daily Event - the Sunset. Because of Key West's location, sunsets are large and dramatic. People gather at Mallory Square and line up to stare at the horizon. Vendors and street performers spice up the scene. For a few years, my favorite act was the couple with the pot-bellied pig that sort of did tricks, the pig, that is. The couple always work the line "Our parents think we're attorneys" into their patter, and the pig tries not to look exasperated.