It must be 1984, I'm hearing Duckspeak.

So the following is a direct quote from Business Insider.

Last week, J. Crew fans rejoiced on news that clothes would get cheaper this spring.

Unfortunately, those reports aren't true, the company told us.

Women's Wear Daily quoted the retailer's CEO Mickey Drexler as saying that spring prices would be "much more friendly."

But the publication has since issued a correction.

"We are simply maintaining a balance of pricing across the board and better communicating to our customers what we have and why it is worth the price it is," a J. Crew spokesperson said. "Emphasis for us is always on the quality and design at best possible price."

J.Crew's prices have become more designer than middle-market. The company was once routinely compared to Gap, but now the prices are considerably more expensive.

For instance, men's work pants cost $59.95 at Gap, but $79.50 at J.Crew.

As to Duckspeak, it's one of the Newspeak words that we shuddered at when we read 1984. Orwell explained:

 "Ultimately it was hoped to make articulate speech issue from the larynx without involving the higher brain centres at all. This aim was frankly admitted in the Newspeak word duckspeak […]."

scenes from the life of one of history's great men

You know what I would do right now if I were Mickey Drexler? I'd get the "design team" started on a line of red-white-blue athletic and sports wear, sourced in the US, made in the US, quality tested in the US. I'd get it into production ASAP. I'd dribble out an item or two every season, and I'd keep the Fords ones that sell well in production. The line, especially the Crewcuts pieces, would have a Military Famiiy Discount. Someone else can think of the slogans and the rhythmic commercials. I'd concentrate on growing JC Red White'nBlues. So that the line would be ready well in time for the next Olympics.


Will this happen? Well, I don't think it's impossible. Dear Leader is renowned for an assertive brand of creativity. Last fall, CNN aired an adulatory mini-special, which you can find described over here, at JCrewAficionada. I was inspired to conjecture a few of the creative moments in the life of Dear Leader, and I hope Alexis won't mind if I repeat them here, as a prologue to the latest great step forward in retail inspiration.

Dear Leader invents the stripe: Look, there's a mark across that shirt. Hey, what if we put another one under it? And then another one under that? And another. And another.

Dear Leader invents the folkloric look:
--Sir, General Petraeus is on the phone. He has those native Afghan embroidery samples for you, and he's taught an elite unit of Rangers to embellish.
--Tell him to hold, I'm inventing the stripe.

Dear Leader invents the shoe:
These socks are filthy. Why do the bottoms of the socks get so dirty? Attention. Sock bottoms are dirty! Wait, what if we put something over the part that touches the floor. Great! Order 40,000 gross, broken sizes, standard colors, all plastic. Can anyone say plastic in Italian?

Dear Leader invents the inventory system:
OK, all together, a-one, a-two, a-three, a-four....

I once read that when Leonardo was considering taking on an apprentice, he'd have the young hopeful draw a circle freehand. I tried it, and believe me this is not easy, especially if you have no talent. It was a great test for Leonardo to use, because it was a quick way of weeding out the no-hopers. So between that and tales of early historical sun worship, I just assumed that round shapes had been around for a long time. No! They are a recent invention, and here is the proof:


Imagine, a whole team of future Ralphs and Calvins chained to their drawing tables creating circles. And putting those circles on clothing? Who thought that up? See, not only is Dear Leader himself more inventive than Edison, he inspires creativity in the young. I am in awe.

Serious about those RWBs, though.

hail and salutations, Dear Leader

an anthem: to a Merchant Prince

We are actually in Florida at the moment, so when I read this morning that it's 34* Fahrenheit in Nice (just above freezing Centigrade), I thought of our last few days there this past October, and felt guilty that I haven't finished the last few posts from that trip. Sooner or later, I will, but some of the Muses, at least Euterpe and Polyhymnia, plus Momus and Iambe, must have been on the plane with us.
And after having just read this in Madison Avenue Spy, I believe that this little Song of Praise is even more à propos than it was when I first posted it. Feel free to sing along.

The night was dark,
The girls wore schmattas,
And the prices kept going up.

Oh, Leader Dear, we sing to you
You brought us stripes on white and blue
You thought up tee shirts, jeans and blouses,
Long distance, from one of your many houses.





From furs and fig leaves you have brought us
-- as your PR folks have taught us --
To synthetic blends which, though not better,
Make a cheap and disposable sweater.

chorus

The mystery metals you invented
Brought bling unto the golfing classes,
Do we really look better represented
In socks with heels and nerdy glasses?




To you we owe the vest of feathers,
The raincoat that can't go out in wet weather,
To you, the Twig, the Moss, the Heather,
And elastic-waisted shorts of leather.

chorus

Dear Leader, it's to you we turn
When for sleeveless coats we yearn,
For brocade shorts, for sequined maxis
Too costly to be worn in taxis.
You heard our prayers and brought back color,
(though seam allowances are smaller),
May your neons ever brightly burn
(though pilly cashmere we'll still spurn.)

chorus
Crown him with a wreath of laurel,
His brow with precious oils annoint,
With success there is no quarrel,
When all else fails, just raise the price point.

a star is born: another Merchant Prince seeks world domination

Via this morning's inbox, our friends at Madison Avenue Spy have let us know that the former husband of Tory Burch (said to be the wizard behind her v. successful line), is AT IT AGAIN.
 "Retailer-extraordinaire Chris Burch will open his newest boutique, C. Wonder, October 22, in Soho. The new concept will sell housewares, home decor, personal electronics, in addition to apparel, shoes, jewelry and accessories, according to our sources. 

"Chris Burch is best known for being the brains -- and money-- behind ex-wife Tory Burch. Not willing to just sit on his wallet, Chris has been working on several concepts, including the launch of lifestyle brand Monika Chiang. (That's Chris' current girlfriend)."

Well. I've seen taxi-tv ads for C.Wonder, and the ads are a cross between the Target Bullseye with Dog ads and the Gap all-singing all-dancing all-jiving chino ads of years past. You would never know from the taxi ads that the newest creation of a "retailer-extraordinaire" is being touted. Yes, that's one of the names he goes by. Keep reading for others.

POPPIN'S COLOR CHOICES
for pens, desktop stuff, etc

The article continues:  "We are told that Kelly Cutrone designed the new clothing line for C. Wonder --which is surprisingly colorful -- and the office supplies draw from another Burch venture, called Poppin. Poppin's chicly redesigned office supplies are currently sold online at an affordable price point and come in an array of bright colors. Totally cool (or at least they photograph really cool)." I checked out Poppin and not everything is colorful. However the prices are not terrible for decent-looking pads, pencils, office supplies generally, as opposed to the tawdry kind (but with the firm name on) that the office manager got a good buy on. Poppin's mission is apparently to give everyone who uses a pad backed with thin cardboard that bends an opportunity to omit at least some of those "I'm wasting my life" moments from the workday. Unless you're too stubborn to bring your own supplies to the office. I bring my own pens everywhere, because I prefer my handwriting to be legible. Most of the time.

some whoopee from
C.Wonder's website-in-progress

OK, back to C. Wonder, it's meant  to attract the Anthropology customer in a "more fashionable and modern environment. The 5,100 square foot space was first built out in a warehouse in China, as to perfect the design and merchandising of the concept." That Chris! What a guy! (How did Dear Leader miss this?) 

And I can do no better than the Madison Avenue Spy's conclusion:

"If all goes according to plan, C. Wonder will multiply across the country. As a matter of fact, Chris Burch is so confident about his self-named venture, he's requested others to call him The King. Perhaps he is testing the name of his next retail concept."

   Or he could call it J.Wonder. In the words of Mel Brooks, "It's good to be da King." Possibly even better than to be "da Prince"?

should I hand in my iPhone now or later? the compensation committee and the Labor Day rant

NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE

OK, counting pennies is not enough. I kind of knew that when banks stopped handing out coin wrappers, but recent events have hammered it home. I wonder if we aren't heading for, or haven't already become, a two-class society - the super-rich, and "other." Even recognizing that talent and drive should be "incentivized" and rewarded in a properly ordered society, reading about executive compensation makes me ill. Some years back, in response to a tax law change that essentially required executive compensation in traded corporations to be "fair and reasonable," the Compensation Committee was born. A corporation's Comp Committee decides what compensation should be. It's generally composed of members of the Board of Directors, can have a few outsiders (execs of other corps), and how does it carry out its mandate? Another industry came forth: the Compensation Consultants. For a substantial fee, they cover the rears of the Comp Committee, and they retain other experts to recommend stuff like option plans, life insurance plans, loans to execs, bonuses, and so on. Often the companies that sell these plans are related to the consultanging firm. Ask yourselves: would the Consultant make a recommendation that would be unpopular? Hah. So what is fair and reasonable is determined by the highly compensated themselves, who purchase elegant reports from those with a financial interest in preparing them.

AN INTERNET CAFE

DIRECTIONS TO ANOTHER INTERNET CAFE

I'm looking at my Macbook and my iPhone, and I truly love them. I love being in touch with family about to propagate, or land, or leave, love staying up-to-date on assignments and meetings... . Well, you know. And I confess to being just the teensiest bit awkward in internet cafés and phone booths, especially when I can't figure out how to operate the equipment or how to pay.  My phone contract is about to end and the kids at the Apple stores have told me they think I should wait for a new contract and phone until, say, the end of September. I can take a hint. It's marked on my calendar, same color as the date Missoni comes to Target.

Meanwhile, I continue to rummage web sites for news, and what I find is distressing. Here, for instance, is a news analysis about the compensation of Tim Cook, the heir apparent to Steve Jobs: look for familiar names towards end of story. Hmm, I wonder who recommended the $52 million stock plan? OK, here's a cut-and-paste quote for those who are so transfixed they don't want to click:

STILL ANOTHER INTERNET CAFE

 Last year, Central Laborers Pension Fund, an Apple shareholder, tried to pass a resolution at the annual meeting to post "a written and detailed succession plan."

Apple's directors, though, urged a "no" vote and said while they "strongly support" the concept, they believed the company has "a highly talented and experienced management team, not just the CEO, [that] is critical to Apple's success."

The measure failed. But in giving Cook a salary hike and bonus, Apple's compensation committee said it had "considered Mr. Jobs' recommendations" in doing so. The compensation committee is headed by Andrea Jung, CEO of Avon Products, along with former Vice President Al Gore and Millard Drexler, CEO of J. Crew.

Well. Glad they've got a real expert to guide them.

And now, just to make us think, and because there's more than one way of looking at the two-class issue - the beautiful and "other," the employed and "other" - and because I am more than sympathetic to those in need of food, here's another story. And another cut-and-paste quote for those... like I said.

When children are starving, the most urgent need is to feed them. It seems simple, but is it really?
This is the question humanitarian workers confront on a daily basis at the world's largest refugee complex, in Dadaab, Kenya. The camps here are overflowing now, with more than 400,000 people living in a space designed for 90,000. Every day, 3,000 Somalis are fleeing to Dadaab and other camps in Kenya and Ethiopia to escape the severe drought and famine in their country.

I cringe when asked to sympathize with merchants who feel victimized by incompetent shippers who can't deliver merch to stores on time. Sorry, but that's nowhere near as difficult as getting food, and the wherewithal to cook it, to the starving. In-transit bribes, robberies and "shrinkage" make the "fell off a truck" or "held up in port" guys look like amateurs. You know who should be compensated? The relief workers. And maybe you should have manufactured your merch closer to home.

I usually rant about Labor, sweatshops, and outsourced jobs on Labor Day weekend. This one started when I googled "jobs". So no, I'm not buying a $600 cashmere jacket this fall. And no, I'm not wearing a $1500 calf hair blazer. The goats and calves I'm looking at are on the web at www.heifer.org.