too wet, too cold, too broke to cook outdoors? Fred to the rescue!

No matter what those enthusiastic TV cooks tell us, no matter how many revoltingly cute little nicknames they give a slice of white bread with what's basically lunch meat, nothing beats a steak right from the grill. Except of course, when it doesn't. It's raining, it's cold, we spent the food budget on a really cute pair of boots, AND the family is here with all the small ones, and whatever else you may do, they expect hot dogs and hamburgers. They are entitled to hot dogs and hamburgers. They are law-abiding tax-payers (huh).  No matter that it's raining, no matter that it's so windy and damp the charcoal won't light.

So here we are, indoors, with 2 or 3 dozen hot dogs and some classic go-withs, and no ideas. No worries. Here is an absolute classic that resurfaces every so often, like cicadas, and works its magic on the bewildered hungry. Dear friends, I give you:

CROWN ROAST OF FRANKFURTERS

You'll need a roasting pan with sides, a cooking needle or a large craft needle, a bunch of franks, and something to fill the crown roast with. The classic is sauerkraut, but that can get very messy. I suggest using whatever kind of potato salad you like that can be served warm and still taste like you planned it. The kinds without mayonnaise will work well.

OK, ready?

1.  Remove out-of-season clothes and shoes from oven and put under bed.
2.  Turn oven to 350 degrees and let it heat up while you work. Close the oven door first.
3.  Open the hot dog packages, dry the hot dogs, and line them up next to each other.
4.  Thread the needle with white twine, and run it through the hot dogs, about 3/4 inch from the top end.  Leave a tail of twine at each end of the row of hot dogs.
5.   Repeat step 4 at about slightly more than half-way down the hot dogs, also leaving tails.
6.   This is tricky. Tie the two top tails together, and then tie the two bottom tails together, making a cylinder.
7.    Stand the cylinder on the baking pan and carefully but persistently press down so that the bottoms of the doggies bend outward, making feet for the cylinder to stand on.  You may need to brace this by running a few wooden skewers through it.
8.    Open oven door, insert roasting pan with creation, close oven door.  Allow 20 minutes to elapse.  Use time productively by finding the mustard, ketchup, pickle relish, etc., and MOST IMPORTANTLY THE SCISSORS. Warm up the potato salad.
9.    After 20 minutes, open oven door, slide out oven rack, remove roasting pan with crown (it is now a crown), carefully maneuver it onto a platter and fill it with the potato salad.
10.  A dish of this caliber deserves decoration, and I suggest slices of pimento-stuffed olives making a ring inside the ring of hot dogs. Also, instead of parsley, go all out and put radish and carrot slices at the feet.
11.   Serve, keeping a straight face. This is the part where you'll need the scissors - to cut the doggies apart.
12.  Many small children do not like to eat anything that does not look like something they have eaten before. Should this happen at your festive gathering, you should have some bologna slices ready to offer the kids simple but festive sandwiches. Like this one:

Yes, there does seem to be a full moon tonight....at

mysterious relative, mysterious bounty

This is a picture of a piece of jewelry that belonged to my mother's older sister.


When my aunt died, dealing with her estate proved to be a sad and heavy burden for Mom, and ultimately a lot of my aunt's personal effects just lingered in boxes in Mom's basement. My aunt had been widowed young and had led a vivid and active social life which was Not Discussed in Front of The Children. She also, it turned out when the boxes migrated to my sister's basement at the end of Mom's lifetime, had accumulated a rather large collection of jewelry. There may have been a connection. Sis and I just shrugged and divvied up the swag.

I'm posting a picture of this gold and lapis pendant that I found in the treasure chest, because I think it's a stylized version of a constellation, but I can't tell which. I'm hoping someone more knowledgeable than I will be able to identify it. The pendant's about the size of a US fifty-cent piece. Any thoughts? Chime in!

Catalog shoot outtakes? or rites of Spring (with a nod to M. Stravinsky)

We were discussing yesterday (the Whining Diner and I) how divesting ourselves of winter wrappings inspires us to spend money on spring-like trimmings, when all of a sudden cold wet semi-frozen stuff fell out of the sky and right down onto us. Obviously there is some minor deity one of our number has failed to propitiate. But be of good cheer, because right after the heavenly ice drips, we were able to view a shoot of what can only be a Certain Beloved Catalog's issue for a Summer Month. I feel privileged to share this with you. Click to watch the video, and be inspired. Stills with close-ups follow.

http://historically-inaccurate.blogspot.com/2010/05/frite-of-spring.html

Don't know about you all, but I'm certainly ready for Spring clothes, and Spring travel. And enough of this silly moderation in eating, I'll believe it serves a rational purpose when I can send the stems of my broccoli to the starving children in the flood plain of East Wherever (some country that had a broccoli shortage, no doubt).

full moon, empty shopping bag, full grocery bag

the view of the full moon over our portion of Long Island was supposed to be 14% larger than the view we normally get, and I decided to avoid the risk of irrational (lunatic) behavior, especially shopping, by avoiding stores and shopping sites. Here is how I did.

Avoided the outlet mall (missed turn, so drove in the other direction).

Avoided the closest Ralph Lauren retail store. "Effortless," as they say; it doesn't reopen until April 14th.

Strolled down Job's Lane, Main Street. There was a certain monotony to the windows of the stores that were already open. Otherwise put, enough striped shirts to stock a prison. Himself says if I want him to wear brightly colored cotton twill slacks I will have to outlive him, because as long as he breathes he will not hold still.

Peeped into J.Crew-at-the-Beach. There was that big paisley print skirt again. Beginning to wonder about it, because it's so distinctive... well, I don't have to decide that until it's marked down, right? Otherwise store was nicely stocked.

Wind changed, lovely day got chilly, someone with more brains than moi said "Isn't anyone else hungry?" Bought fresh morels and baby string beans at fancy grocer, stopped at nice butcher for veal medallions, cream and baby lettuces already in fridge, headed home. Success. Attribute finding right combo of ingredients at right time to full moon.

Looked at computer again after dinner. Found a marked-down sweater that might be great with the paisley skirt. Or not. Went to look at moon.