As Thanksgiving approaches we interrupt the travel report

to bring you some holiday reflections. I've always loved making holiday dinners, to the point of being happily breathless when dinner's over and the floor is covered with paper, the furniture is adorned with food-based fingerprints unknown to any juvenile authority, and the couches are upholstered with immovable football statisticians in snoring coma (a congenital condition attached to the Y chromosome)....  well, there's a lot to be said for the gradual erosion of at least some cherished family traditions. 


Our family is delightfully multi-cultural (but you knew that), so perhaps some of these may have once been yours, too:

THE FIVE TANTRUMS OF THE IN-LAWS

THE OH, SO MERRY MERRY SEATING REARRANGEMENT (an all-American folk dance)

THE RITUAL RECITATION OF FOOD ALLERGIES AND DIETETIC SENSITIVITIES  
 (often but not always a responsive reading)


THE MEAL-TIME VISIT OF THE BALD UNCLE WHO NEVER BRINGS PRESENTS

um, not exactly our house
THE FOUR MULTI-CULTURAL QUESTIONS:

-- is there garlic in this?  
        -- she puts garlic in everything

-- is there garlic in this?  
         -- I can taste the garlic

-- is there garlic in this?   
        -- anyone can taste garlic in this

-- is there garlic in this?  
        -- I don't know why noone else can taste garlic 

THE CRUEL BUT NECESSARY REVISITING OF FAMILY RECIPES FROM GENERATIONS PAST 
(included here: loud resumptions of the Lard/Chicken Fat Feud and the Great Butter/Olive Oil Vendetta)


THE LOUD AND PERSISTENT INTERROGATION OF SINGLE WOMEN ABOUT THEIR LIVING ARRANGEMENTS

THE DISSERTATION AND DISPUTATION CONCERNING THE PROVENANCE AND EVENTUAL DISPOSITION OF THE HOLIDAY SILVER AND SERVING DISHES 
              (a sharing of memories of the sacrifices made by our or your or 
               someone's ancestors to provide the ungrateful and unappreciative 
               with a complete service for 12 plus bread-and-butter plates and 
               2 extra cups which will pass to the one descendant who really truly
               trust me - doesn't want them)

THE DEPARTURE BEFORE DESSERT OF THE SILENT COUSIN WHO ALWAYS ARRIVES ALONE

THE ORGAN RECITAL OF THE COMATOSE SPORTS FANS (featuring Uncle *** on the nose flute and Grandpa ### on the intestinal tympani)


Anything ring a bell?

12 comments:

  1. Some so familiar. This year could be the battle of the dinner bell. The 49ers play at the Ravens at 5:20pm-prime T-day dinner time. Before accepting our invitation, my FiL asked if the game would be on during dinner. Seriously? He knows me better than that. I nearly killed him and his BFF 16 years ago when they turned on a 49er game at our engagement party. Now dinner is at 4:30, and the game can do on ***muted*** during dessert. Apparently the DVR challenged in-law is on my list.

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  2. It's funny, because it's true.

    I will miss my family this Thanksgiving. Of course turkey day is not a holiday here in Canada but Christmas dinner with the in-laws is like groundhog day every year. Same old political diatribes, litany of health/dietary issues, everything you ever wanted to know about ringette and the inevitable right way to do anything and everything from those who seem to know the least.

    Enjoy your family!

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  3. ha- I laughed at the garlic issue- all those subtle little jabs at the provenance of cultural traditions. I'm in Canada, and fortunately our Thanksgiving feast is usually smaller, but I would add for the Christmas feasting with our engorged family:
    -avoiding the many tangents that can lead my sister's german in-laws to start feeling misty about their old homeland and the misunderstood intentions of a certain barking mustachioed leader.
    -the now famous/notorious caroling of my sister, mother and I at the piano once we've had a little something to drink (we are all tone deaf in our own cacophonous ways!)

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  4. JulieStyles, I was at a funeral where those present were requested to rise and come to the front to pass before the coffin to pay their final respects before exiting to gather in the parking lot. I noticed that many of the men walked instead to the side and vanished 9respectfully) through an inconspicuous door. You guessed it - football.

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  5. xoxo, the only reason I didn't include politics is because I still have bad dreams from visions of the world as seen by some of the people at the table. I have actually told people "This is my home and you are not allowed to speak that way when you are at my table." This always serves to change the subject -- to something even more controversial -- manners!

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  6. thatdamngreendress, so I take it that instead of watching A Christmas Story after dinner, you watch The Producers?

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  7. Oh, these are all so true! Happy Thanksgiving!

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  8. Hi, Rose, I'm collecting more for next year!

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  9. OMG this is hilarious - and exactly why BF and I have decided to do turkey day on our own this year. No travel fuss, no cooking muss, no required acts of familial (?) verbal abuse!

    Happy Thanksgiving!

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  10. Have a great Thanksgiving!

    It's a holiday that is sadly missing in Italy, but we don't deprive ourselves of many of the items on your list, plus many more. They are just moved to Christmas...

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  11. Hi, Cris, Happy Thanksgiving anyway!

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