snakewear: accessorize with fig leaves

I had a lightweight wool dress with a real snakeskin collar when I was, um, younger, and less worried about whether I'd like things a year or two later. I may still have a slim dark brown leather maxi skirt that's finished off to look like snakeskin.

I thought that was enough reptiles for one girl, one lifetime, and turned to snake rings. Snake rings were very popular as expressions of eternal love in Victorian times, because the snake could put its tail in its mouth, or rather the goldsmith could put the snake's tail in the snake's mouth. The resulting unbroken circle was the symbol of eternity - no beginning, no end. Alternatively, the snake would be coiled, 3, 4, 5 times around the finger to show you really meant it, even though eternity could last a while longer than just one snake-coil. Snake rings, especially those with teeny ruby or sapphire eyes and little snake-y smiles, are darling.

I left snake clothing behind, not thinking of wearable snakes again until Himself and I were on a trip through southern Italy and an innkeeper showed off his fig trees. I was shocked, shocked! to see the size of the leaves in real life. "Guess what this is?" said I to Himself. "A leaf," he perspicaciously replied. "Yah, but what kind?" He gave me the I'm-watching-the-game look. "It's a fig leaf," I hissed. That got his attention. "That? Are you sure it's not just some kind of baby leaflet? or a bud?" "No, Nando says it's a mature leaf." Another illusion destroyed. No wonder the Snake had such an easy time with Eve.

Slithering along here, I recently returned to the world of snake-y clothing and treated self to a cream-colored woolen skirt with a snakeskinnish print on it. The print is in shades of taupe and grey with hints of lavender. It is placed on the skirt in such a manner as to diminish the hips, even The Hips Of Fred.

I decided this skirt was much more desirable than an apple, and Someone must have agreed with me, because the next time I looked at it, it was marked down by 30%. This shows you how petty Deities can be. If you have the power to bring on thunder, lightening and markdowns, why not a 75% markdown. Still, cute skirt, and it arrived, 30% lighter - skirt, not I - in Flintstone Towers, where it has provided a welcome diversion from juggling doctor appointments.

So what do you wear with fake snake? If you are me, nothing striped, nothing neon. My friend Barbabelle has suggested a chambray shirt left untucked and a pile of improbable jewelry. This is a look too often perpetrated by photo stylists, the denim or chambray shirt being this year's gray t-shirt. Aha! I thought of my pale grey cashmere twinset, mainly because I've had it for years and won't have to buy anything new. But then, this afternoon, driving out East, I turned off the Road to the Deep Blue Sea onto the Road to Perdition, that is, the local outlet mall, and was inspired to check out the dregs of the recent warehouse sale that had made it to the Barney's outlet.

How about that? All silk, lovely lapels, long sleeeves, 3 buttons. Elizabeth and James, 2010-11. Exactly the taupe-grey-lavender tones of my skirt. Huh. Too bad the jacket didn't find someone to love it at the warehouse sale.

Of course I didn't buy the jacket. That would have been over-snake. Of course, I could have grabbed the jacket and returned the skirt... Not that everything I wear has to be something other than a knock-off, but still. Maybe the print on my skirt isn't a deliberate knock-off - maybe the J.Crew staff just didn't realize that their 2012 original was an ink-and-roller setup left over from another order. One must be fair. Their research has been superficial in the past. I just wanted you to see the jacket. This may be the Year of the Snake.

Unless you have other ideas, I'll wear the skirt with a simple sweater, and maybe a teeny old snake ring. Or a fig leaf pin. No monogram, thank you.