just because you can make something out of sequins doesn't mean you should...

It was one of those mornings when she looked like slutty woodland creatures had dressed her... . I like this opening line even better than "It was a dark and stormy night."

I love South Beach, but if I wake early I make coffee in my room, I've even posted pics of my trusty coffee pot, and I go out and read the paper on the terrace. There's a side of life in a boutique hotel, even in a big commercial hotel or in a world-reknowned luxury hotel, that I don't want to know about, and it's at its tackiest as the sun is coming up. Better far to stare numbly at the ocean.
I went downstairs in the Hotel de Paris, Monte Carlo, around 6:30 one morning. We'd arrived the night before, had a great dinner (yes, there), and collapsed. The morning sun in the bathroom made me want to go look at boats. Yachts, to be precise, and I pulled on jeans, tee, rubber-soled shoes, bucket hat (quieter than a hairdryer), left Himself snoring, made note of room number, and found my way to the lobby.
There were coffee and croissants on offer, and I tucked in, while I watched a parade of very dressed-up ladies exchange cheek kisses at the Concierge desk and hurry away. By very dressed up, I mean 5-inch heels, sequins from head to toe or at least from chest to crotch, festooned in glittery jewelry. They spoke French or English to the Concierge and his minions, various languages that begin with R to one another. Only hair and makeup showed what I thought was an effortless natural look. I assumed they were off to get an early start on jewelry shopping, exploring, clothes shopping, gambling, shoe shopping, as, limo by limo, they waved extravagant goodbyes and left. Now feeling like a poor relation, I went back upstairs to dress properly for lobby/grounds/dock exploration. Himself was awake by this time and  asked what the lobby was like in daylight. "It's very dressy here, even more so than in Paris," I told him, and I described a couple of the outfits.

Yes, of course. Were I not so easily abashed, I too would have seen that the girls looked like a bad morning in South Beach: like they'd passed out poolside the night before, been wet down by pool help in the morning, and had gotten dressed to go home in whatever the escorts from the latest event had left behind. In fact, they were the escorts from the night before.
There's not much to do in Monaco if you haven't arrived by water and don't gamble (and aren't working off your sequins), except dine out, and as we spruced up for dinner that night I asked Himself a dangerous question: "How do I look?"

This time, of course, he'd had his answer ready since early that morning: "Your amateur status is unquestionable."

21 comments:

  1. This is priceless and good one Himself. We wouldn't want you any way but amateur!

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    1. yes, my dislike of glitter during the day is well-founded.

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  2. Too funny! I would have been like you - I tend to be very naive on those sorts of things which makes others laugh. WHat a fabulous hotel!

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    1. We usually save money on hotels (and spend it on restaurants), but every ow and then we treat ourselves to a splurge.On a hotel, not on company.

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  3. Funny stuff. Mr. Lane is such an innocent, he has not realized in some restaurants that most of the very spiffy young women dining with older men were on the payroll, so to speak. Yay for amateurs!

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    1. hey, I think that speaks well of Mr. Lane!

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  4. MORNING GLORIES WFF, thank you for Saturday snicker! Part of my remit was once helping re-fit and reintroduce a Monte hotel (nothing so grand, a 1970s one built over the roadway that only comes into its own F1 weekend.) In general I can tell you why non-uniformed female staff stick to very sober suits and shoes; best not to be mistaken for the unhired help.

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    1. except, of course, if the guest in question is an overrated French quasi-diplomat for whom that mistake is more than a hobby, it's a way of life...

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  5. Hilarity! Amateur status - perfectly stated.

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  6. Nice to meet you, came through Tabitha. THe first time I was supposed to go to Monte Carlo ten years ago I stayed behind in Nice in a campground with two babies. Yes, what was I thinking? On our return last year I found it very flat and odd and empty, now I realise it was because I didn't arrive by water. Need to see the glittery amateurs next time to spice it up.

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    1. welcome, About Last Weekend! We've been to MonteCarlo a couple of times, for the restaurant, but that's about all there is for us. There are logo stores and lots of fancy cars to gawk at, as well as all those boats. That's about it. I thought it was Disneyland for Oligarchs, only with divine food.

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    2. The DFO, that's a total keeper.

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  7. What a timely read. Especially as I was uncharacteristically almost swayed to buy the sale Colorblock sequin top(navy and aqua)today. I don't know why I keep seeing that piece in my size, and only my size everywhere. And I love the colors. However, I would look worse than an amateur. I would like like aging (or aged!) amateur. Thank you . You, and your witty companion may have saved me.

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    1. Those colors are great, don't let me stop you! I have a nighttime glitter season at Flintstone Towers, Dec 26 to Jan 7. I am already overstocked for that. And if formal confirmations are part of your life, it would be great with a long-ish satin skirt and bronze sandals. But otherwise, um, I'd save my money.

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    2. Yikes. I just noticed that I may need a comma intervention. I a a terrible typist.

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    3. no worries, you're talking to a person who's trying to work in a slippery iPad! I mean on a ...

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  8. Five inch heels I will never, never do but oh dear, I'm afraid I may offend you if we should ever meet in the day time. But! Just the other day I was thinking I need to trade in my sequins for pearls.

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    1. Not at all, tiffany rose, but an evening gown over breakfast? that would make me wonder, now that I am a big grown-up world traveller.

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