if the shoe fits

I have long, narrow feet with high arches and high insteps. And my big toe is the longest one, I always look like I'm pointing it my foot in some arcane dance step. I once tried to have shoes made in London. The salesmen gathered round and solemnly told me I could only have the styles that were based on the "Plantagenet last." 
I was entranced, but also way outpriced and the project went no further. Nevertheless, for years the thought of my historic, aristocratic feet comforted me every time I couldn't wear something pretty. One day it occurred to me that I may have misheard and the nice man may have been saying something that began with "plantar." Oh, well.

This came to mind because Jimmy Fallon, I think, recently did four minutes or so on "misheard  song titles." People tweeted them to him and he read a selection. Some were funny, but frankly I found some just puzzling. 

Here's a selection of misheard titles, names and just mixed-up words in general, that have been heard in and around our house:
Roast Beast - it's for Sunday dinner

the Frog's Neck Bridge - there are those who call it the Throggs Neck Bridge, and we call them unimaginative.

the Very, Very Narrow Bridge - it was named after Giovanni Verrazano, but tell than to a 5-year-old!



and the ducks - I have a friend who likes to get his ducks in a road before crossing it.

 my parents had a neighbor who must have been very mean to the iron railing on her front steps,
because it was always wroth.

and last week the choir favored us with the song about Grady:
I always had to stare out the window when I had to listen to the elementary school principal who was fond of saying that one thing was the same as another for all intensive purposes.

Another of his favorite words was "irregardless," but I don't want to go there. 

And then this gem came into my mailbox from Madewell, that is, it appeared after a click or two:
look at her poor toes! didn't one of Cinderella's stepsisters slice off a toe to try on the glass slipper? This poor model has her feet up inthe air for a reason - it hurts too much to stand up. Footloose and Fancy-free, my Aunt Fannie. I don't think the Copywriter From Space misheard the phrase, I think her version of Google translator - English cliché into Original Venusian Thought - let her down. I think my aristocratic little toe deserves better. Then again, maybe Madewell's photographer just has a sense of humor.

24 comments:

  1. I remember an elderly relative referring to "infidelity benefits" instead of disability benefits. Those feet - not that I can talk, having just broken a toe.

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  2. tee hee, she was ahead of her time!
    I think at one time or another I've broken all of my toes except one of the big ones, and while it's not a life-threatening injury, it's far from not life-enhancing. I wish you a speedy and painless recovery.

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  3. Ouch to a broken toe!

    One of my children regularly says 'bloody held' and the word 'festival' is pronounced 'vegetable' in our house.
    I have short, wide feet with very high arches, although one of them has been reconstructed and might soon be back in action.

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    1. Hi, Ruth, my reply is below as a comment, because my internet is having a bad hair day!

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  4. Lovely laugh out loud at the end of a frustrating day..thanks WFF. Our family favorite is my niece used to call ice cream..ass cream.

    I love those obvious catalog blunders or photoshop blunders.

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    1. Hi, JRSConifer, my favorite dessert too!

      for a while I seriously considered collecting the bloopers and having iPhoto make a little booklet, which I would send to devotees on request. Too snarky even for me.

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  5. Oh, joy, the Festival of Lights! the Spring Choral Festival! the Harvest Festival! - obviously under the caring direction of Vegetarians. You have made me happy.

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  6. One of my friends likes to remind us that some things are mute point. If only!

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    1. oh, right, forgot about mute points. I hear about a lot of them in the course of a week. Very bad for my bite, as I have to grind my teeth to keep from - you know.

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  7. I cherish malapropisms. I have a good friend who always uses the word "ironical". I have rather wide feet that could never be called aristocratic. No AA's for me.

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    1. I've never heard "ironical" before, but I'm lovin' it!

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  8. One of my friends used to hear the lyrics from Elton John's Crocodile Rock as, "I had an old goat Shelley and a place of my own." In my opinion, much more interesting than having an old gold Chevy.

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    1. I think Shelley is a great name for a goat!

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  9. I think my brother used to sing "hair is golden" for "Arizona." A little off topic but I mess up idioms like "stop beating a dead horse against the wall."

    Don't even talk to me about having shoes fit, I have little duck feet. They are short, size 5 or 5.5 but I really need extra extra wide. I'm so consumed with that I don't even think about what my arches are doing.

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    1. Oh, my mom used to do that too!

      I hate that widths disappeared from shoes, and I'm afraid for the future of half sizes, too.

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  10. I love these! Had a friend in college who bemoaned the "doggy dog world"; we didn't correct her right away, still cracks me up as did her eventual explanation for WTH that might mean.

    We also get folks admitted to the 'tencent care unit", another variation on the intensive theme.

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  11. any of them suffer from very close veins ?

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  12. Just had to add today's gems: lunch at an Asian restaurant, youngest child has a bit of a hissy fit about his food. 'I don't like this toad food. It's got soil sauce on it,'
    Tofu with soy.
    Happy Easter!

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    Replies
    1. I think toad food is brilliant, although I might have reserved the term for braised sea slugs...
      Happy Easter to you, too, Ruth!

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    2. Speaking of ... I once ordered some to-go Chinese food over the phone. When I opened the packages, I didn't find the extra orders of rice I wanted but there were some mysterious clear bubbly liquid in large soup containers. After a few moments, I realized. Remember when there was a soft drink called Slice?

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    3. hi, tiffany rose, I remember it and words fail me.

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  13. Oh I've now imagined you as a beautiful lady hare with your long elegant feet - please don't burst my bubble!

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. OK, I won't.
      There goes me, springing from shrubbery to trees...
      Happy Easter, Tabs!

      you wouldn't believe what autocorrect made of my first attempt!

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