it's almost Hallowe'en. and now for something completely different.

no verses this year.

no costume parodies this year (although I note early signs of a return of feathers).

Hallowe'en can be eerie, can be weird, can be funny, and sometimes can be all that.

So - a contest!

There's a whole body of "literature" based upon the premise that when zombies or vampires or monsters or space creatures or undead first interact with earth-dwelling humans, they - the zombies, etc.- don't quite know how to behave or what's called for in various social situations. This can be humorous or disastrous.

So I was thinking that there may be times when someone in an ordinary job or in a position of privilege or leadership - or just someone who is living in your house with you - does or says something that makes you wonder




I'll give a few examples that really really truly happened in my life:

Himself and I were at an elegant drinks and heavy hors d'oeuvres event. We separated to work the room. Suddenly he was at my side, holding my elbow: We have to leave. Now. Fast. We quick-stepped to the elevator, and once we were inside with the door closed I asked why the rush. Because I just put some half-chewed wet fish into (important work connection)'s hand.

When we were safely out the door and in a cab, him muttering ohgawdohgawdohgawdohgawd the whole time, I asked for an explanation. And got one: there were some small buffet tables in the room, one featuring smoked fish appetizers. He popped one into his mouth, chewed, encountered a bone, there were no plates or little napkins within reach, so holding the bone and partially chewed fish in his right hand, drink in the left, he went looking for a place to lose the fish. And the VIP of the event bounded over to him, hand out, great to see ya, how ya doin, and grabbed his right hand. Fish and all.

Do you think he'll remember it was me? he asked pitifully.

Another example. A newly widowed friend was receiving fix-up suggestions from her relatives and former neighbors. People she hadn't heard from in years were calling to tell her they had a guy for her. And she got this call:

I think he's perfect for you, he's about your age, maybe a little younger, he's a doctor, he has a nice practice, he lives here in the city, he's tall, charming, nice head of hair, also recently widowed...

By now experienced with calls like this, my friend asked But?

What do you mean, but? He's a lovely guy.

There's always a but. Tell me now or I'm hanging up.

OK, well, nothing serious, not a real objection to him as a person but maybe something you might want to know - um, both his first two wives committed suicide.

Now it's your turn, Dear Readers. Have you ever been in a situation where you suddenly felt you were talking to/surrounded by/about to be abducted by - creatures?

Please share!


  1. I don't have any good about-to-be-abducted stories, but when I saw the thumbnail of your first alien in my blog feed I thought it was the 2008 J. Crew bug pin.

  2. Oh I am the worst at this! I was once talking to one of Barry's colleagues whose wife was expecting. I asked what names were being considered. "Bambi" he said, and of course, I thought he was being ironic and said "that's a fine name if you want her to grow up to be a stripper" and he said "My sister's name is Bambi." You can imagine how much Barry appreciated that....

  3. Poor hubs but actually the faux pas was committed by the other guy bc one doesn't just grab a hand it is offered and accepted no? But I am normally careful bc I had a dragon Korean mother who was ready to tell me off for a social mistake though I am much more chilled about things like that. But once I did say to my lawyers clerk that I count myself lucky I'm not from Southend which is a seaside Essex Coast and of course the clerk was from that very town...but I didn't shirk and I just said but didn't you hate it and move to London? That just embracing the statement rather than cause more tension!

  4. I can't think of any good ones though I do sometimes think I am surrounded by aliens! I'm laughing my head off here and I won't soon forget that handful of chewed smoked fish, so gross.

  5. As always, WFF delivers belly laughs at the most propitious moments.

  6. The fish shaking hands is a classic! Man, I would have snuck back to see what he did with that chewed up fish. And you missed a wonderful evening if that table is anything to go by. Every day I think aliens have stolen my brain but its just menopause

  7. Yes, the last family occasion with my husbands family. One brother talks to walls and has more interesting conversations than the rest of the family. The walls must be very intelligent.


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