the hunt is on - more escaped packages!

Oh, dear, where to begin? A cherished friend is in the hospital facing a repeat of surgery that didn't work the first time. She's been brave, gallant, unstoppable since I've known her, that is, for most of my life, and she's facing this with the calm courage that she's always had. So naturally I wanted to do - well, something! and as we all know, getting medical advice from people who love you but are not doctors (me) and are not you (the patient) can be really irritating. I decided to send a frivolous gift that might give her some smiles.

When she and I first became friends, little Magicke shops were everywhere. Even Bloomingdale's and Macy's had a corner or two. These boutiques, tended to be stocked with sandals, water pipes, craft projects made by people in far corners of the world who were probably very puzzled by the whole enterprise - and with odd things that might or might not bring luck, health, blessings, love, and better luck. Before you roll your eyes, I have a friend who has been married a long and happy time to a guy she found in Bloomingdale's. So there.

And thus I decided to send my bestie some Healing Crystals and Stones from Urban Outfitters. My stupid ankle keeps me from exploring further afield to places that might be more authentic, like, say, Stonehenge, so I clicked away and paid the silly shipping fee. In a day or so I was advised that the stuff had shipped. It went quickly enough via Lasership from somewhere in Pennsylvania to East Rutherford, New Jersey, to Lasership's depot in New York City. I assumed someone would put it on a little truck and drop it off. Wrong. It was instead scheduled to be sent to East Rutherford, New Jersey, where, as many sports fans will tell you, bad things happen (lookin' at you, NY Giants!).

Lasership of East Rutherford reported that the merch had not arrived, and then later, that the merch still had not arrived. The update instructed me "Contact shipper." Like this would help.

As directed, I telephoned UO Customer Service. I omit the small talk. The rep advised that she was not allowed to put a tracer on my purchase until 7 business days had passed since it shipped, because shipping takes that long. I referred her to the Lasership reports and gently suggested that since Lasership had already reported the package lost, waiting a week to ask if the package was lost was unlikely to be productive. She consulted her supervisor, who agreed that UO would contact Lasership within 48 hours.

To while away the slow-moving hours, I checked on a skirt that I'd ordered from Anthropologie. I wanted to try it on - although the price was startling, it looked like the kind of thing in which one could Do Magicke.  My friend Teacups has pointed out that even though the Soho Anthro is more fun, their Upper East Side  store is more conveniently located for returns. The desired skirt is web-only, so instant return-ability is a serious plus.

Except, of course, that Anthro also uses Lasership.

This is where I must ask myself - why has mere shopping become such a challenge? I'm the first female in the family who doesn't have a Lady at Bergdorf's and a Lady at Macy's and a Lady at Bloomie's. I have a bunch of phone numbers, but those phones are rarely answered. The last candidate to be my VPS at J.Crew not only couldn't locate the coat I wanted but sent me pics of coats she thought I would like, based on - well, I guess based on being able to find pictures of coats, because I had already bought one of them when it was marked down a few months earlier, and had ordered and returned the other. And why does web shopping remind me of how we used to go to the beach on the first warm spring morning as the tide was going out, and fling message-bearing coke bottles into the ocean? Actually that was more fun.

Of course I am writing this on the day I picked up the paper and learned that the exam for the NYC Cabdriver's License will no longer include New York City geography. I thought there should be a corresponding reduction in fare for (1) driver can't get the right info into the GPS; (2) driver too busy illegally using cell phone to turn on GPS; (3) passenger has to give directions because GPS has broken down. I haven't heard that the Taxi & Limousine Commission is considering any such offsets. If you come to New York and need to get somewhere, call me. I will help.


My skirt was last reported wandering in or near the marshes of northern New Jersey. Anthro didn't hold out much hope. The famous Teamsters' Union leader, one James Hoffa, is said to have disappeared in those marshes years ago. I imagine that Jimmy Hoffa's ghost is haunting the guys who Drive for Lasership without proper union credentials. I hope Jimmy can operate a GPS.

16 comments:

  1. if it wouldntbe sad,it would be funny.
    I had some shipping problems too,butmost retailers are pretty good toquickly send out a second item to make up for the first item. i have doubles from a quich diah from C&B and a camera stand from Amazon,because my first orders arrived eventually ( it just took like 2-3 weeks lol).

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    1. Hi, Ina! Well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed, the skirt's out of stock in my size, and the crystals probably won't work magic from the swamp.

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  2. Forgive me if I've told this one before--we have a UPS driver who loathes us and won't deliver our packages. During the Xmas rush, Mr. Hex ordered a somewhat expensive antique thingamajig, which the driver swore she delivered to us. Literally swore, as in signed an affidavit to that effect after we reported the package missing, causing UPS to refuse to cover the loss for the shipper. A week later, a USPS postman (not even the carrier from our route) rang our doorbell and said "Did you know a package addressed to you has been sitting on your neighbor's porch for a week?" Needless to say, we complained to UPS.

    Now this b**** in brown will not deliver our packages unless we waive all liability forever if we are not home to receive them. First world problems, I know, but v annoying to a committed internet shopper.

    I hope your packages aren't under a stadium somewhere!

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    1. I'm wondering if others on your driver's route have also had situations with her, what an awful story.

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  3. Jimmy's going to look lovely in the skirt. I have noticed UPS is starting to send out their own notices of when packages will arrive...maybe this is just new to us out in the sticks. I did have an order from Anthro arrive the other day with one item missing. They sent out another with in a day and it shall be here tomorrow, unless I just jinxed myself.

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    1. I've gotten those notices and then I've gotten more notices correcting or revising the first notices, and then there arrive still more notices...

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  4. Oh my god! You couldn't make that stuff up! The older I get the more I like the personalized shopper experience I did not get great service in person at jcrew. I think they forgot that they were supposed to be appealing to women 50+. I must say I got lovely service at Sak's! I am pretty much over online shopping I think and your story is really supporting that! Hope your friend feels better soon!

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    1. I enjoy Saks, there's plenty of stuff one would buy in real life,and plenty of stuff to daydream over, great sales and a nice restaurant. They'll courier things to your apartment or your hotel, etc etc. Oh, and if you open an account you get 10% (or is it 15%, I forget) off on everything you buy that day. Cool Christmas decorations, too.

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  5. This has made me laugh. A lot. I'm very sad about your skirt and healing crystals though. I recently ordered and received a globe (of the world) for my husband's birthday present. It was shipped from the UK, where it was made, to me in Australia. According to the fascinating Fedex shipping tracking I followed it went from London to Paris, Paris to India, India to Singapore, Singapore to China, China to Hong Kong, Hong Kong to Sydney… then finally to me. That globe of the world is very well travelled now, and its entire world trip only took 7 business days. It always puzzles me how I can get things from the other side of the world in say, 3 business days (Netaporter), but if I post something going within my own country it can take up to a week to arrive.

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    1. I love the story of the itinerant globe!

      A firm I worked for was closing, and very few people knew this. I wanted to bring some personal stuff home - address lists, Rolodex cards, my spare tights, nothing controversial. I bundled it all into an envelope addressed to me at home, festooned it with postage, put it in the mail myself feeling like the heroine of a 3rd rate murder mystery, and waited. 3 weeks to travel less than half a mile.

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  6. I would be very leery of giving those healing crystals to your friend if they ever arrive. There is something about their journey which is not suggesting good fortune to me. I hate to say it in fear of forever jinxing myself but I have good service from UPS. Occasionally a package doesn't make it to where it should have but invariably it arrives the next day. I don't know what service Anthro uses though. Hopefully the skirt will find you and it will be a perfect fit to make up for being tardy.

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    1. Teacups, what a terrifying insight! I am astounded to report that the crystals have arrived, and that the ones that are meant to be bright and clear are murky, and the stones that should have distinct colors and stris toon are blurred and muddy. I will get them out of the house tomorrow.

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  7. Your dear friend will have healed before the crystals arrive. I've not heard of this shipping co, but I think I will steer clear of it. Perhaps the truck followed the GPS into that swamp?

    I think having Ladies at stores is lovely; I miss our old travel Lady who brought my itinerary to the office with an information sheet of restaurants, shops, and sights pertaining to my destination.

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    1. The crystals are here, the skirt still wanders.

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  8. I think there must be a correlative property (probably part of the new "Everyday Math") that reflects a relation between the web retail cost of an item and the amount of time I will spend on the phone to acquire/track/be incorrectly billed for said item. So, ultimately, what I believe I have saved by buying on-line often becomes exponentially costlier when I factor in the gross time expenditure, and irreparable damage to my nerves.
    And, I have no doubt that a footnote in that frightening taxi article probably mentions that shipping employees no longer need to be familiar with local geography. Presumably, if you want a cognizant driver, you will have to pay extra.
    Very sorry to hear about your friend.

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