In which Fred spends some money and then makes a misguided attempt to spend just a little bit more

It went like this:

I bought a blazer and then I decided that I should have a medium blue skirt to wear with it. The blazer is an extravagance (hangs head) but for the fact that I've been having things adjusted and repaired and de-shouldered because I can't stand the idea of having horrid rashes all over me from wearing synthetic fabrics. OK, TMI.  I haven't been spending, period. Looking, yes. Trying, yes. Criticizing, yes. And therefore, extravagant purchase of blazer, yes.
The hunt.  I located the right skirt, and ordered the larger of my two skirt sizes, not out of any special foreknowledge, but because the smaller size wasn't available.

The hunt continues. Two days later, I took a look and noticed the following:

  ~. my other size had become available, and

  ~. the skirt had been marked down from $63 to $44.  I have rounded off the change. You might thank me when we get to the math part.
Telephone failure. I attempted to order Skirt 2 in my smaller size before it vanished, and also to get a price adjustment on the larger skirt in the first order. This was not successful. I pointed out that this order had arrived at Flintstone Towers within a few days of being ordered, so I was well within the "window". The concept of doing a price adjustment and a new order in the same phone call was, um, too novel for immediate acceptance. As they say in the theater, not my night.

A great plan takes shape. So I hung up, placed a web order for both skirts - larger and smaller - at the lower price, figuring I'd return Skirt 1 (same skirt, higher price), and when the 2-skirt order arrived (each skirt $20 cheaper than Skirt 1), I'd return whichever didn't fit and keep whichever one did fit.
Skirt 1 arrived. It fit.
The second order (2 skirts) arrived. As expected, one fit, one didn't. So off I went to return two blue skirts, in 2 sizes, from 2 different orders, each with its own packing slip showing its respective size and price.

An attempt to execute the Great Plan. If only. It soon became clear that the situation was far too complex for the associate at the register. She told me she had to call for "authorization," but did not explain what needed to be authorized. She placed a call and had tried to explain what was happening to her - she had a customer who wanted to return two skirts from two orders, what should she do?
And now, the math part.  After a lengthy discussion, she hung up and told me that $88 was going back on my card.

"That's not the total of $ 63 and  $ 44," I said.

"Let me take a look. Oh, I see, she (referring to person on other end of phone call) did both returns on this order(Meaning, the one with the two $ 44 skirts). So it's the correct amount."

OH GIVE ME STRENGTH!

After still more discussion, another "authorization" call was placed and another long explanation ... oh, I can't stand it any more. We have all reached or passed the point at which infuriating turns to boring. I have been instructed to watch the postings on my account, and also to be on the lookout for emails.
I ought to just return the last blue skirt (the $44 one that fits), but if I do I'll have to return the blazer that goes with it ... And the tights... and the...

36 comments:

  1. Numeracy - so underrated! I love the blazer and am glad you managed to get s skirt and a good story out of it! ;-)

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    1. The story may not be over yet, Wendy - still haven't seen the $ credits on my account ...

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  2. What age did you revert to during all these "transactions"? It would not have been pretty. The blazer is beautiful.

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    1. Second grade! When I had to "help" the lowest reading and arithmetic groups! I learned the meaning of patience and compassion, and I also promised myself that I would get to a place in life where I would exercise those virtues only by choice.

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  3. I have a different iteration of the Ludlow blazer and have gifted same three times. You will be as thrilled with the wearing of same as the initial infatuation. Your rendition of your interactions is hilarious. Coffee spitting hilarious. Thank you as always.

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    1. Oh, I think this little love affair is the real thing.

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  4. I feel your pain....been there.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. The hardest thing to take was the suspicious and irritated attitude of the SA.

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  5. Dealing with children at the cash register or help line drives me crazy.
    Love the jacket and the blue skirt, glad one fit.

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    1. It was like spelling one's name at Starbucks. I suddenly realized this is why they've told the baristas to be creative with what they wrote on the cups...

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  6. Been there done that. Strangely find those to be the most unsatisfying, least worn garments.

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    1. Well, so far the jacket and I are still in the possessive afterglow stage of our budding relationship...

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  7. I do love a jacket.

    This is exactly why I can never return anything! I just lump it. But numeracy is so important. At times in dealing with these type of transactions I have had to explain the basics...it's funny BC you told it but if I lived i would have been mental.

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    1. I charge everything - everything! - because I can't bear explaining how to make change. More precisely, explaining that there's more than one way to make change, so if I'm owed 26 cents, and your cash drawer is out of quarters, you don't have to call a supervisor, you can give me two dimes, one nickel, one penny...

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    2. I miss the era, the one in which I was raised and trained to work in my parents' antique shop, where change is counted backwards to the customer (since our cash register did not do that math) so it would be counted back to the total of the amount originally given to me. Clerks cannot do that now and just give you a pile of change back or count it to just add up to the amount of the change, the accuracy of which is dependent on... whatever...

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    3. I paid the exact amount, to the penny, in a local supermarket, and the register of course showed that $ 0 was to be returned to me. The clerk called the manager over and insisted that there was something wrong with the machine because it showed that I wasn't going to get any money back.

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    4. I've been short changed so many times at the grocery store that I now use my credit card every.single.time. I don't care if I'm buying a gallon of milk and that's it. It is so frustrating to stand there and argue with the teenaged clerk regarding how to issue change to the customer.

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    5. and not only do you avoid frustration but you build up miles (or whatever the reward of your choice is).

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  8. I was at a local store, total was $2.78, gave the girl $3.03, she could not, for the life of me, understand why I gave her the additional 3 cents. I told her to just enter it into the register, and when she gave me my quarter back, told me $3.00 would have worked "just fine". I had to laugh, but it's alittle scary . . .

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    1. I've done that too, to avoid ending the day with a heavy load of small change, and it always gets a funny look. Sigh.

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    2. The skirt and blazer are both lovely, and I'm only sorry J. Crew has us jumping so many ridiculous hoops with their sizing issues (i have one too many Final Sale skirts that weren't meant to be -- not the Crew's fault, but dammit!)

      Anywho, I do hope the credits post correctly in time, what a frustrating experience. Speaking of proper change, the other day in the grocery store, the cashier actually asked me whether I wanted my penny back. I'm not a fan of pennies any more than the average person, but i'll be damned if i let the grocery store have it, why should they? If they do that to a bunch of people, it adds up. Just seemed so obnoxious.

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    3. So far, no credits have posted... And yes, I want my $103 back.

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  9. Gorgeous blazer. All that to-ing and fro-ing with the skirt would unhinge me.

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    1. All I can say is, it seemed so simple when I started : "Ooh, jacket. Hmm, maybe a skirt..."

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  10. I have developed a strategy for dealing with these "complicated" transactions. One must first return skirt number 1 without any mention of subsequent returns When this return has been successfully accomplished and a return receipt is safely in hand, one can then present the second return with the corresponding receipt. Experience has taught that expecting many SAs to understand what should be easy transactions is asking too much. Of course the matter of trying to end up with fewer coins totally eludes the majority. Thank goodness for the machines that verify that we are not trying to swindle Shoprite out of money! I love the blazer by the way.

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    1. You're absolutely right, and I have learned my lesson!

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  11. Maybe you should use Bitcoin; I still cannot wrap my head around those, and I was a math geek. Nice blazer, though!

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    1. I can't figure out Bitcoin either, reminds me of those abstruse middle eastern non-banking systems, and not in a comfortable way.

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  12. I too feel your pain .. Anyone older than a teenegar will relate to these awkward situations when trying to use bills and coins to expedite easy change.. Worst of all, how sad it is that younger people cannot do simple math?

    Infuriating and frustrating situation you had to endure but for all us , hilarious reading.
    You are the best!

    As

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    1. Thank you! Well, I have achieved one complete outfit, and am pondering adding pants when I finish convalescing from the skirt purchase. Also considering using the contents of piggy bank to pay for the pants, heh heh.

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  13. It shouldn't have been that hard; everything is scanned and corresponds to the items on the receipt and tag on the item. No "authorization " is needed. It isn't that hard... I promise yo not all SA's are created equal! Most of us are fairly competent well trained. The whole making change thing, however, seems to elude anyone under the age of 30- must be the "new math" they taught in school!!
    Glad you found what you want- wear it well!

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    1. Hi, style maven, thanks for stopping by! I usually don't have a problem with returns, it seems to be becoming a practice that a lot of people order different sizes to try on with things they already have, and generally the staff is understanding and helpful. I started to write about about this particular episode because I thought I'd outsmarted myself, which happens to me a lot, I'm my own best source of comical material. I guess the order-return-return-scenario is all too familiar to many of us,

      When I volunteered in public elementary schools, I'd bring a pocketful of change and make the kids try to sell me something (pencil, piece of paper, crayon, whatever). Then I'd "sell" it back to them.

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  14. It shouldn't have been that hard; everything is scanned and corresponds to the items on the receipt and tag on the item. No "authorization " is needed. It isn't that hard... I promise yo not all SA's are created equal! Most of us are fairly competent well trained. The whole making change thing, however, seems to elude anyone under the age of 30- must be the "new math" they taught in school!!
    Glad you found what you want- wear it well!

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    1. I'm loving this outfit altogether, and I hope people won't take fright when I say I'm now considering a pair of wool(-ish) pants for the blazer.

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