another lovely bag surfaces at Target

Handbags have a lot to live up to. They have to be at their best in all weather and in almost all situations. They have to yield up their contents under pressure (BUS PASS. NOW. I MEAN IT.) They must refrain from bad habits, like eating your manicure. And they have to be as poised as Melanie Wilkes when someone who's having a wet pizza for lunch runs into you as you're running downstairs. They have to have a pocket ready at all times into which you can stuff still another free sample of Remede eye cream (worth it). Here we arrive at the great handbag conundrum: if it costs enough to do all of that and still look terrific doing it, chances are it will cost a fortune and you'll hesitate to wear it out among the Visigoths. Yet what is that capital investment doing for you if it spends most of its time in its sleeper bag on a shelf in a well-ventilated closet?

It is for the purpose of resolving this conundrum that a loving and compassionate Higher Power allows Target to flourish upon the land.  From a distance - usually a great distance - Target knock-offs look good. Target knock-offs often look good enough to foment litigation. I discussed my adventures with Target's version of this past spring's "It" bag here Target knock-off 1 and my further adventures with said bag Target knock-off 2 here.

J.Crew Jericho Tote
(shamelessly copied
from web site)

Target knock-offs
(Iphone strikes again!)

Recently I visited my friendly local Target  to reconnoiter where they might put out the cream of the Missoni collaboration, when I noticed the reverse of the "It" bag adventure: that is, I already own the original and now it's being knocked off. Very cheaply, I might add. However, the black and the taupe are definitely basic, hard to get more basic, the vinyl is spill-proof, and you can certainly put stuff in it and get it out again. Unlike the previous "It" thing, you don't smell it from across the store either,  definitely a plus.



Now another conundrum: Which is preferable?

• to buy a cute cheap bag and find out that it's meant to be a version of a v. expensive Madison Avenue arm candy (how uncool of me not to know!)
• to buy the v. expensive Madison Avenue arm candy and see the knock-off everywhere
• to buy the v. expensive Madison Avenue arm candy and see the knock-off everywhere, but only after a few years or some decent interval of your choice has elapsed so that you don't feel offended by the knock-off
• to buy the  v. expensive Madison Avenue arm candy for occasions and grab a few of the knock-offs for days like the field trip to the Great Swamp that your neighbor signed you up for in revenge for your writing her name on the Cookie Chair list....
• to buy the knock-off because it's Cheap, and it's There, and not to worry about stupid things like v. expensive arm candy, because the spouse of one who is Serving His Country will be visiting us soon and boyoboy do we have better things to do with the money! 

Fred is drawn to the outlets by a powerful magnet

Passed our local outlet mall while doing the grocery-drugstore-hardware-nursery run to make sure that this weekend Château Flintstone will be adequate to the challenges of two neurotics planning a trip, possible drop-ins, and the additional possibility of the end of the world. Actually didn't pass, turned in for a look. Note new regime of being honest with self: I did not say "a quick look." Report follows.

Ralph Lauren. Nothing really new, collection store clearance racks picked over (by me 2 weeks ago), no new belts, no new bucket hats.



Men's cotton bucket hats give the best protection of streaks & cute lighter spots in my hair vs. sunshine, so will persevere on this.

Off Fifth (saksfifthavenue). The store is getting ready for another grand opening. They have rearranged the merch ("dressed the floor"), but it's still aiming at time travelers who prefer a short trip. Like, say, to 2 years ago.

Gap. meh.

J.Crew.



Cuffed linen pants, tag said 100% linen, pants were wrinkled and felt slippery. Lotsa shorts. Pencil skirts galore. The factory paisley and the navy blobby print were also on camis, shirts, kids' dress. Navy also on cardis. Liked, actually, still feel about 8 years old and needing to wear navy for spring. But left there uninspired. And there was 30% off almost everything.

Barneys. Pay dirt. The real designer stuff is in the back, so you have to go past the Coop stuff



(somehow what's in the Coop section always looks like it was designed for prematurely elderly 10-year-olds, and the good stuff sold out back in the real store) -- and onward! On to Isabel Toledo, on to Rodriguez, and HA! Dries! Did I mention all this stuff is on clearance (3rd markdown) PLUS 60% off? Would it not be unpatriotic or something not to sift through all this stuff?

Ultimately took the safe route and came home with accessories. Two scarves, one square purple cashmere with black edging and silver dangly things at each corner,



other a smaller purply-brown rectangle with bronze studs.



Clearly no further exploration was called for. On to the packing lists!

Farmer's Market morning

Our little local farmers' market reopened last week, but the weather wasn't encouraging.



We stopped by this morning, hoping to beat the Visigoths to the village's food supply. There's not much this time of year.

Not much for people, that is.

We picked up a couple dozen Little Necks (this lady is married to the guy who goes clamming, which is not something I would choose to do in this still-chilly-spring, but I'm glad he does it),








some fresh linguini (all the way from Brooklyn),







looked for basil, and remembered that there's a chunk of either Parmesan or Grana in the fridge. Dinner!               

 So we didn't get to buy any farm-fresh veggies; not surprising. But there were pickles. Maybe next week!

incredibly Fred goes to the outlet mall and buys only one thing

The bunny has finished his hopping,
the flowers are planted,
the sports fans have ranted;
I think I might take the teensiest break
And run to the mall and go shopping.

My first stop is always J.Crew.
I grab and put back - you would too.
I'm looking for shorts, linen pants and a top,
But the 12's are smaller than the 4's!
Were they this way when they reached our shores?
Or midway through filling the order
Did the word trickle down cross the border
That vanity sizing should stop?

Ooh, can't spend a nickel! Feeling blue and forlorn
I decide to continue the hunt at Ralph Lauren
where dangerous hidden treasures may lurk.

Past the polos, past the tees, past the logos, Collection please?
Yes, my hunter's instinct could not be sounder,

 
For there midst the dross on a Clearance rounder
        is finally something that just might work.

  

A black leather blazer, flawless details, silk lining,
with all of its buttons, with lapels just pick-stitched.
I gawp at the price tag like a woman bewitched --
But there's 50 off Clearance! With eyes that are shining
I finish the math on the checkout line.
The first outlet price was $2598
and half of that is $1289.
For the scanner's magic I stand and wait:
Yes! Further markdowns indeed were taken!
The final sale price is $499.
Then with the glory of a blazing rocket,
A 25% off coupon flies out from my pocket.
My shopping karma is unshaken.

On the way home, gloating over my plunder,                    
Where will I wear it, I suddenly wonder?

Hah! Everywhere!

catching up again - The Return of The Smelly Bag, more about That Skirt

The Smelly Bag is gone! Took it out to Target this weekend to return in person. It had spent a few days out on the terrace in the city, but the odor remained, so I wrapped it up, put that package into a plastic shopping bag which I taped shut and stuck in the car trunk. Drove out to the Little House Off the Expressway with windows open in the drizzle just in case.
The Lethal Package spent the night in the garage, and I was at Target at 8 the next morning. All the doors were open -- they must have been expecting me! I thought I was having olfactory hallucinations when I entered the store, and was afraid the smell was emanating from me and The Lethal Package. However the return was uneventful, and as I left, I noticed RACKS of The Bag, in several colors (quite nice colors, actually) and a couple of sizes, right at the front of the store, and that must have been why all the doors were open. It didn't help the odor situation, and I was actually quite concerned because there were smokers gathering at the entrance. I ran before someone lit a match.

More not world-shaking news: bought the red paisley skirt, and a cotton tank in "smoldering brick" plus a featherweight short cotton cardigan, also in "smoldering brick," to top it off. Used some promo or other; was just concerned that the colors I wanted wouldn't be around when I needed them. Not thrilled with name of red-orange color, why not just call it "Arson: Still A Felony"? Note that IRL, the arson color is one of the colors in the paisley pattern, just not the main color. So that's ok.

This concern was brought on by seeing the skirt styled with a navy-and-white striped tee at the Madison Avenue store. There are times when it's necessary for me to get dressed in the dark, but it's not a look to which I aspire.... Anyway, liking the monotone look over the busy bottom, and having the top in 2 pieces is good for travel in hot damp places with over-air-conditioned restaurants (looking at you, N.O.) And will love the tank/sweater combo with tan linen pants and tortoise bakelite link necklace as well. Don't you love multi-use travel wear?

lazy day, lazy night

travel and visit plans for April, May, even June with any luck, are in the works, so this was supposed to be the weekend when we traipse around the Little House Off the Expressway, make lists, move stuff around, see what survived the winter (us! not such a bad thing, either), what has to be replaced (pool liner), redone, thrown out (just because someone is economically deprived doesn't mean she should have to wear shoulder pads), refinished (floors, ugh), what can be put off another season ... .

A little of that goes a long way, and we decided to head further east, visit the wine merchant who has run a successful business for over 30 years selling French, Italian, German wines at fair prices in Long Island wine country. We don't hear from most of our relatives as often as we hear from him - cards, emails, the occasional newsletter. Also probably not such a bad thing, come to think of it. Business concluded to all parties' satisfaction, what to do next? Obviously.

Neither of us felt like a "real meal" -- we're in training for upcoming travel -- and this is the time of year when one can eat in relative comfort at most of the beloved local institutions. Relative comfort means that at the next table are normal people in old jeans, sometimes with kids, who came to eat, not to order repeated rounds of drinks and scream stock and real estate prices at one another. Beloved Local Institution means a place that is fine for out here, reopens early every spring, but would not survive more than a few weeks in a major city where there are other choices. There are expensive Beloved Local Institutions, celebrity-ridden Beloved Local Institutions, local-color-"it's in a glass already" Beloved Local Institutions, because-it's-here-and-so-are-we Beloved Local Institutions. See? Choices out here too.

We fell into World Pie of Bridgehampton. World Pie sells pizzas of the world, many of which are quite good, and others of which serve as conversation topics if things get too quiet while you're waiting for a neurotic to make up his mind. They also have nice salads, main dishes, daily specials...close-up of last night's list of specials:

so we ordered a sausage pizza and a bottle of merlot. Merlot good, pizza ok. Starter was something called AMEX salad, which is good, and I'll be making it this summer when tomatoes are really good. It's small-ish chunks of Avocado, toMato, pieces of Endive and eXtra bacon in a mild vinaigrette, with slivered red onion and finely chopped cilantro. Easy on the endive. Simple and satisfying.

Over dinner, we decided to go see a broadcast/tape/whatever of the National Theatre Company (London)'s production of Frankenstein. This was shown at the John Drew Theater in East Hampton,

a very nice venue for local theater, special appearances, concerts and the like. V. busy in summer. Was wearing the winter old faithful - white silk shirt with black & gray stripes, B&W tweed-ish vest, narrow black wool slacks, so was set for just about anything.

Now I adore the National Theatre, please understand, I'm still raving about Blood and Gifts, the National delights and thrills me year after year. So I was perfectly ready to see what was described as a tale of growth, development and rebirth from a feminist perspective. This production starts with an oiled-up naked man acting out what happens to an almost-born baby during labor and transition. Twists, turns, grunts, bends, stretches. For a very long 8 minutes. Seemed longer. OK, so this is the monster coming to life. Well, I felt about the stage labor pretty much the way I feel about real labor: you get the idea after a few minutes and are ready for the next scene. But no.

I looked around. Throughout the theatre, heads were drooping as men dozed off (including mine) and women were checking their purses and pockets that they hadn't forgotten keys, etc. Rest of the play: monster is born, frightens people, learns to survive, learns a few lines of Milton's Paradise Lost, tracks down his creator, requests a bride. At this point Himself suggested that the production needed Marty Feldman and a bunch of peasants in torches. But no. Monster scares a few more people, is killed.

OK, now I will find something good to say about the production. Right. If you go with a spouse/other and s/he falls asleep and snores, it is more likely than not that the noises will just be taken for dramatic sound effects, so you need not poke spouse/other or feel embarrassed.

And J.Crew-at-the-Beach of East Hampton has not one but two connected storefronts, with basically the same stock as the Southhampton store only more, especially men's and shoes.