incredibly Fred goes to the outlet mall and buys only one thing

The bunny has finished his hopping,
the flowers are planted,
the sports fans have ranted;
I think I might take the teensiest break
And run to the mall and go shopping.

My first stop is always J.Crew.
I grab and put back - you would too.
I'm looking for shorts, linen pants and a top,
But the 12's are smaller than the 4's!
Were they this way when they reached our shores?
Or midway through filling the order
Did the word trickle down cross the border
That vanity sizing should stop?

Ooh, can't spend a nickel! Feeling blue and forlorn
I decide to continue the hunt at Ralph Lauren
where dangerous hidden treasures may lurk.

Past the polos, past the tees, past the logos, Collection please?
Yes, my hunter's instinct could not be sounder,

 
For there midst the dross on a Clearance rounder
        is finally something that just might work.

  

A black leather blazer, flawless details, silk lining,
with all of its buttons, with lapels just pick-stitched.
I gawp at the price tag like a woman bewitched --
But there's 50 off Clearance! With eyes that are shining
I finish the math on the checkout line.
The first outlet price was $2598
and half of that is $1289.
For the scanner's magic I stand and wait:
Yes! Further markdowns indeed were taken!
The final sale price is $499.
Then with the glory of a blazing rocket,
A 25% off coupon flies out from my pocket.
My shopping karma is unshaken.

On the way home, gloating over my plunder,                    
Where will I wear it, I suddenly wonder?

Hah! Everywhere!