I crept up on this Collection treasure in the J.Crew flagship store, no less, to see if I could flush out what made it worth $595. It has little to no leather, is completely unstructured, is lined with fabric (poly, natch), has thinnish leather straps (Factory quality), usual 2 scanty compartments. Its top closes with an ugly zipper. Makes a crinkly noise when you sneakily tip-toe around with it. It had been craftily hidden on a table on the second floor where the sale merch is thrown. I wasn't fooled. I have dealt with stealth before. Plus it's large. I usually prefer lightweight bags, because they get heavy enough when I put my stuff in them. But not when something is so lightweight (read flimsy) that the stuff would fall right through one or more of the bottom seams. I guess a few words are due about the camoflage sequins. Who would even for a moment think this is appropriate? 
Well, one could look to the Army of the Potomac, led by General "Fightin' Joe" Hooker. Apparently fightin' wasn't all that took place during his tenure. The use of his name in other contexts based on his leadership (or lack thereof) may be apocryphal, but honestly, when I saw the shiny plastic camo sequins, I just pictured a "lady" in these shorts and these shoes in "vintage fatigue", and with her necessary equipment in the Stealth Satchel, creeping furtively between the trenches to an assignation with Fightin' Joe. Or one of his lonely sentries. We know how it can get in Washington sometimes.
Well, one could look to the Army of the Potomac, led by General "Fightin' Joe" Hooker. Apparently fightin' wasn't all that took place during his tenure. The use of his name in other contexts based on his leadership (or lack thereof) may be apocryphal, but honestly, when I saw the shiny plastic camo sequins, I just pictured a "lady" in these shorts and these shoes in "vintage fatigue", and with her necessary equipment in the Stealth Satchel, creeping furtively between the trenches to an assignation with Fightin' Joe. Or one of his lonely sentries. We know how it can get in Washington sometimes.
That bag is hideous. So many things are wrong, as you listed. Sequins. Camo. Poly lining. Cheap Straps. What a disaster.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder if the staff at J.Crew have "come to work drunk Thursdays" or something.
LOL at this bag and this post. Too funny! I have been wondering for some time why this bag isn't yet marked down to $59.99 in the sale section. Even then, who would buy it??? No amount of crewlade could make this bag attractive.
ReplyDeletexoxo and JCrewJD, It really does look like a bad day at the Crafts Tent. There were a few "what were they thinking?" items in this rollout, and I plan to try to see all of them.
ReplyDelete$600? Insane. And how funny about General Hooker!
ReplyDeleteHi, Dinster, still shaking my head.
ReplyDeleteI cannot stop laughing at this very witty post. Many thanks!
ReplyDelete$595 for a camouflage sequined bag?? Are they insane?? I think this one will go the way of the floral swing skirt - marked down to a fraction of the original price in a jiffy. Thanks for a funny review!
ReplyDeletejacquelyn and Louise, you can't make this stuff up!
ReplyDeleteYou are right that is all kinds of inappropriate.
ReplyDeleteVery hilarious post Fred! I am looking forward to more reviews of questionable merch.
Dani, I've decided that what's most inappropriate is the seller's condescending attitude: "I can put anything out there for any outrageous price and you, oh Public, will buy it."
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of overdoing the camo theme...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh.
he he
ReplyDeleteWhat a funny post and comments! I am seriously starting to wonder if someone at JC is responsible for handing out recreational drugs prior to design team meetings. Perhaps said person was promoted to this post after successfully imploding the catalog mailing list department. The real head scratcher though is who gives the OK to manufacture this stuff? Someone needs to send these creative minds an envelope stuffed with WWCD(What Would Coco Do?) bracelets and tell them they can't have an espresso until "they've thought about what they've done." Of course there's the possibility, albeit thin considering Jenna's picture sporting the"Sequined Smoking Jacket, our latest must-have addition to JC Weekend,$1198.00" that they are as sick of sequins as we are, and in a desperate attempt to purge their warehouses, they are slapping them on everything. I can see it now..."The Collection Store is proud to present our latest design frontier, Lavatory Luxe. An effortless way to elevate your day, our Twinkle Tinkle Toilette Papier makes every trip to the can a glamour destination, $98.00, or 2-pack, $220.00." And finally, WFF, would you consider writing copy for the History Channel?
ReplyDeleteHi, David, love your comments! I thought that the only thing suitable for carrying in this bag was the Bedazzled Tweezers of Christmas Past, but now I've rethought. As to sequins, Jenna has stated that she dreams in sequins (see JCA, 5/11/11) and that she always wears sequins (see JCA, 6/24/11), so I don't think they're going anywhere soon. And history channel? dream job!! Tell them to get in touch!
ReplyDeleteWho is this David and where did he come from? He is hilarious! Come back soon please David your fans await.
ReplyDeletewhat Dani said
ReplyDeleteAs predicted, the Stealth satchel has hit Final Sale for $249.99! I'm sure it will go even lower.
ReplyDeleteLouise, thinking of changing Blogger name to Cassandra....
ReplyDelete