We called them Aunt and Uncle, because the English language lacks a special honorific for children to use when addressing their godparents. Today I say another goodbye to my godfather, Uncle Mike.
My godfather was a childhood friend of Mom's, who was married to her Business Partner and Best Friend Forever, and was also a loyal friend and stand-up guy of Pop's. He was the first to run out and get a sack of burgers and a suitcase for unexpected company, he was the first to roar with laughter even if your joke sorta failed, his laugh made it funny. He was the last to take offense on a personal level, the first to stand up for those he loved. My mom had a lot of friends with the same first name, and they all had acquired distinguishing add-ons (as opposed to family nicknames). So there was Red Annie, Annie Mac, Annie-O, Long Annie, Teeny Annie... and my "Aunt Annie-B" and even though the B designated a maiden name that vanished 50 years ago, my godfather never took offense. He shrugged off the small stuff. When people speak of "extended families," the two of them and their warm and welcoming home were our extension.
Today there will be a memorial and a scattering of ashes. His "real" kids decided on the cremation and the scattering. Had I been asked, I would have suggested a medium-sized mausoleum with wet bar and two exits. Well, my real choice would have been to have been able to hang on to Uncle Mike.
I would like to do him honor by showing up perfectly groomed, beautifully attired, sparkling with gems whose history may be known to him, and with good posture. Instead he's just getting me. Well, he never complained about that. And besides, as usual, I can't find a thing to wear.
Sniff...you and Uncle Mike were very fortunate to have had the pleasure of each other's company. Clearly he will always be with you in your heart.
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Thank you, I thought of them both as stand-by parents. As, I guess, one should.
DeleteSo sorry to hear of your loss WFF - those kind of extended family friends are often closer to us than real aunts and uncles, as they were people chosen by our parents and so completely "amiable".
ReplyDeleteI would think this would call for some champagne. How sad..
Somehow, they always told the same stories when the four of them were together. Only the digressions varied.
DeleteThere will be food. I will not be critical.
Beautiful tribute. Unfortunately a trove of wonderful memories will not ease today's pangs of loss. Take good care of you today.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jenli, I really do not like goodbyes. But the stories that follow will have us roaring with laughter.
DeleteSorry to hear about your loss, but you have written a truly moving tribute to your uncle that will be appreciated by many. As far as the rest- I remember going to the funeral of a beloved family member when I was young, and my aunt looked appalled when some of the mourners showed up and she said quite audibly " A funeral is not a 'dress up' occasion. "
ReplyDeleteKnit Yarns, my mum was the opposite when my Dad died, I was an utter mess and was very vocally instructed that I had a duty to present myself impeccably for the 'sake of the family', it was hair/make up/pearls/heels/suit - we had a huge fight about it, my mum is old stock who like the Royal family do not show grief in public, I'm like a weeping Italian at the drop of a hat.
DeleteI always think that the rigor and pomp is what gets many people through such a terrible day. Focusing on mundane things such as dress can take your mind off off the tragedy. I think what my aunt was referring to was the visitors who were dressed in their finest black, as if they were attending an afternoon wedding. I straddle the line at funerals, and always feel over/ under dressed.
DeleteI'm sorry for this loss, he sounds like a great man and so important to your family. I know you'll be perfectly put-together no matter what. Hope it all goes as well as it can!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You've paid him a wonderful tribute. I'm sure in the years to come you'll be heartened by the memories of him.
ReplyDeleteAh, what a lovely piece you've written, I like your idea of the mausoleum and wet bar, I just cannot get my head around the concept of the crematorium.
ReplyDeleteWell, hello, this is a memorial, not a funeral and if they don't get some heavy food on the tables people may start singing soon. There are some seriously cute grandsons of the deceased walkin around .
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss. I had to attend the funeral Mass of a dear friend this week and I wish I could have worn a veil like Jackie K to hide my devastation--there was a good reason for that tradition. Sunglasses and a handkerchief are no substitute.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences to you WFF. I am with you that people should be kept in a safe place so we can "visit" once in a while. If you scatter the ashes you lose that. JMHO.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man.
ReplyDeleteThank you all, my dears, it was a grand event. Things I learned today about my godfather:
ReplyDelete- he was a year younger than his wife and this was considered scandalous.
- as was the case for so many young men of his generation, the Great Depression obliterated the profession he had trained for and that's why he became a firefighter - there was me thinking he just never gave up the ambition he cherished when he was 4!
- he was irresistible to women until the end
- he was even older than I thought he was
- he never had a bad thing to say about anyone (well, I knew that) but had a very expressive "eye roll" (and again, I was never on the other side of that)
- my sister loved and enjoyed him just as much as I did. As we all did.
- his fellow elderly retired firefighters agreed with me about the mausoleum with two exits.
- never let a restaurant you don't know push the house wine ( actually I knew that as well, was just being polite, will have killer headache tomorrow)
So sorry about your loss, WFF, and may Uncle Mike rest in peace!
ReplyDeleteDrink lots of water. Lately it's been the only thing to cure headaches for me. :)
Very sorry for your loss. My your charming uncle rest in peace. How fortunate that you had him in your life. You wrote a lovely tribute to someone who must have been a very fine man.
ReplyDeleteOh, Fred, I am so sorry. It sounds like he was a delight and the good Lord knows those are in short supply these days. All my old folks are gone, excepting Aunt Rosie(you know about her) and I miss them terribly. I am certain they are all in heaven, they were all such wonderful people-I was such a fortunate girl! Cremated or not, I am sure Uncle Mike will twinkle at you from the stars, or you will see his smile someday on the face of someone you do not know or hear his laugh as you open a door.That is why God lets our hearts remember better than our minds. If you find yourself missing him painfully, I suggest(if you can) planting a tree, rose bush, sweet autumn clematis, something that as you lovingly take care of it, you can talk to it and watch it grow and become beautiful.
ReplyDeleteOh Fred, so sorry about you uncle but st least it sounds like the service went well and you could all share many good stories together. Beautiful post and your uncle must really rest in peace with all of you having such great memories of him.
ReplyDeleteI vouch for the water tool, it has cried plenty of headaches for me especially if you drink plenty before going to bed.
So sad and so beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteWhen very special people leave us, I can't help feeling how terribly unfair it is, as irrational as that may be.
Although I am not religious and I do not believe in an afterlife, I do feel that we can leave behind is a part of us that will continue to live and shape lives, and this is especially true for extraordinary people such as your uncle.
I'm so sorry about your loss, WFF. And thank you for sharing a bit about that gem of a gentleman.
ReplyDeleteOh wellfedfred, I am so sorry to hear about your loss! Your Uncle Mike sounds like such a special man, and the tribute you have written truly honors him. I hope that the pain you feel after his passing will ease a bit more each day, and only the wonderful memories will remain.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping the fact that you are reading other people's blogs means the headache never happened. Are you preparing your color story for your most well deserved flight of European fancy?
ReplyDeleteBest,
AA
More thanks, kind and compassionate friends! And yes, I'm back to thinking forward. It was a great memorial, we had a terrific time, my godfather had specifically left money for the party and we all honored his wishes with enthusiasm.
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry for your loss.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))