dressed, dressed up, under-dressed, over-dressed

The young woman who was helping me was obviously uncomfortable, red in the face, shiny forehead, tottering steps, and I thought I could tell why - with a perfectly nice skirt and blouse, she wore a thick cardigan, belted at the waist, heavy tights, spike-y heels, heavy necklace. Not an outfit for dashing around a crowded store carrying armfuls of clothes, I thought. I enquired after her blouse. "It's not ours," she whispered, "and it's from last year. But," she continued, "you can find the sweater I'm wearing on the front counter by the door and the belt in the back by the shoes."
      "I don't know if I could carry off an outfit like yours," I said. "It looks like an awful lot of clothes for me."
       "Actually it is for me, too, but our manager makes us wear at least 3 pieces from the store. In case someone from downtown comes in. Shall I bring you some other sweaters to pair with your jeans?"
         I pleaded a late lunch hour and slithered out of the door before someone else noticed me and shouted "Fair game! Accessorize at will!"
Now, honestly, does anyone need help to find a sweater that works with jeans? Very few sweaters don't go with jeans these days. What you really want is a sweater that works with your shape and complexion and your tolerance for itch. A nice neckline helps, too.
Today I was having a puffy morning and the weather report predicted "chilly," so I threw on an old and not sleek pair of checked slacks and a black cashmere tee, then added a cardigan before I put my coat on and ran out. Did I think about this? Well. a little, because I had to find where I'd put the tee the last time I reorganized my sweaters. Fortunately the cardigan was on a dining room chair where I'd left it.

On my way to appointment number one, I thought about accessories. I wear scarves a lot, but they live in clear plastic boxes in the armoire, so I can grab the one that suits my mood without pondering. About the scarf, that is, pondering about my moods would be self-indulgent even for me. I wear a piece or two of gold jewelry most of the time, a chain bracelet, signet ring, and something at the neck. They live next to the soapdish so I can remember where I put them. I have an absent-minded habit of taking off jewelry when thinking. When you're working at a computer you find yourself removing statement pieces so they don't interfere with typing or leaning forward to peer at the monitor. A stack of bright cheap bangles may be ok on the arm, but lying on the desk they don't make a good impression.

Merry Christmas to Me!
On to the post office, I have all the software to print UPS and USPS labels, but our mailman isn't always eager to lug packages back to the post office, so it's me. On my way, I realized that without thinking about it I had dropped the Cashmere Comb into my purse. Now that is sad. That cardigan, while nice, pills like crazy. Fortunately it was far from its fictional "full price" when I bought it, but I like it and I'm hoping to get at least one more season out of it. It goes nicely with the pants, don't  you think? In fact it goes with a lot of stuff I already have. But for the pill factor, I'd pick up another when the markdowns tumble down after Christmas.

By the way, I'm still trying to figure out how you pair more than two things with one another. Anyone?

If I wanted to make those pants part of a slightly dressy outfit, I'd lose the cardigan and wear the Christmas present I just got myself on the Ralph Lauren Friends & Family Sale. Now that had some serious reductions.

merch falling off back of  truck
The time of super-dressy formal business events is long over, at least for us. In a way that's a relief, because it was really a nuisance to find a long dress that was very dressy, not too chest-y, and not fooffy. An expensive nuisance. One year, a friend and I were so resentful of this attack on our clothes budgets that we drove out to a notorious discount place in the wilds (well, then they were wilds) of Brooklyn, and bought ourselves long silk and rayon jersey dresses for $10.00 each. "Fit and accessories are everything," she chirped. And so they were, although in fairness I must point out that the older generation of the firm and their hyper-critical spouses were all getting kind of near-sighted by then. Only a cataclysmic wardrobe malfunction would have drawn attention. At their age, they came to eat. And drink. Well, we all came to drink.

But what to wear to a not-so-dressy occasion, one that is not fraught with the possibility of professional consequences? If I don't feel like black dress and pearls, I grab a "little" jacket, a skirt, a silk or satin blouse. Dressy shoes, dark-colored but lightweight hose. It's not rocket science.
Do I want to look like someone a stylist worked on? Depends on the stylist, I guess. Every year, at least two women will - separately - publish books about style in which they suggest that the reader invest in a white shirt. A WHITE SHIRT! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT! HOW DARING, HOW ORIGINAL.

I love the look of a white shirt, untucked, with dark skinny jeans. But what with the weather, the puffy days, a lost skirmish in the Battle of the Last Five Pounds, this outfit does not go everywhere. Lunch at a fine restaurant? Only if you're a teenage supermodel accompanied by a guy who is a VIP or a Whale in the restaurant's secret computer list. For me, black and white tweed suit, black OR white heavy silk blouse, maybe a black &white patterned one? Nice shoes, hose as above. Possibly a gold torque. Downtown? Jeans and leather jacket, bearing in mind that I would never wear skintight pants when I go out to eat. Please. I absolutely wear pants to the office, with a tailored shirt or a heavy silk tee and a jacket or blazer, and in fact this is probably as close as I get to a uniform.

And the opera? Well, when I was a kid I baby-sat for a family that never threw out their magazines, and I swear I saw a cartoon in one of them that I remember to this day. It's a view of the inside of an opera house, singers on stage, from the viewpoint of two couples seated in a box, older and younger. The younger woman's hair is up in rollers with pins and clips, and she says to the older couple, "Well, we're going somewhere afterwards." I understand that this has now achieved the status of an urban legend, but I think it started as a little cartoon in something like Good Housekeeping or the New York Review of Books. So, what to wear? It's no longer a formal event most nights, but the people on stage are working very hard to give you a lovely experience, and you should dress to show some respect. Keep in mind the following: (1) there will be a lot of sitting, and (2) no jeans, no fleece, no flannel, nothing that rustles or jingles.

Dressy depends on where you are, I guess. I went to a memorial service for an old boss. Not recently. It was held in Another State. I knew ahead of time that a number of politicians and important people holding state office would be attending. I chose a simple charcoal skirt suit, almost black but not quite, with a pale aqua silk collarless blouse. The jacket was also collarless, single-breasted. No jewelry except an old ring. WOULD YOU BELIEVE that everyone who spoke to me said something like "You got that outfit in New York, didn't you?" or "Gosh, you must have come all the way out here from New York," or - you get the picture. I know they sell clothes in that state, I've done charge-sends from there. Maybe they were impressed because I had washed my face and combed my hair that morning, although I do that every day....

In Upstate New York there's an area called the "Snow Belt." A friend visited from there, admired my rough shaggy sheepskin jacket that I wear out at Flintstone Manor when it's cold there. It's not a city jacket. I wear it to walk in the woods, to go buy groceries, to go to a movie on a cold night. So I offered to take this lady to the showroom where I'd gotten the jacket, they have great sales every year and her timing was right. She said it was too dressy for where she lived, and people would make fun of her. Now I don't know what to wear to I go upstate to visit her.

Whoever invented Casual Friday has a lot to answer for. Look around your workplace. Try not to laugh. Have a good weekend.




23 comments:

  1. I enjoyed reading your post!

    I have never mastered the art of wearing a scarf. I always admire them on other people, but when I try to tie one around my own neck, I look like an airline attendant. There must be some trick to it...

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    1. Thanks, Merry Wife! I can't do small scarves at the neck, I look like a superannuated Intermediate Girl Scout. But I have had success with long rectangles, looped and pulled through, or dangling, and with big squares folded into triangle, then tied loosely at the back of the neck and draped like a cowl down the front.

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  2. Great post! I am not a huge fun of casual Friday - it has led to many ugly and sloppy things at work as it often bleeds into the other days of the week.

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    1. Thamks, WMM! "Business casual" is another one of those things that most people manage not to get right. Sometimes you can't tell who works in a place and who's delivering cheap lunches.

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  3. Your outfits sound perfectly appropriate WFF and the antithesis of yoga pants that apparently pass as daywear with some of my social circle. (We are patriotic about Lululemon, but please leave it in the gym or on your own sofa.)

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    1. Hi, GetFresh, which would you rather see at a funeral, yoga pants or a sequin mini? it's close.

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    2. It might be close Fred you're right, though I have to say I spend much of time out in public gritting my teeth, the onslaught of the yoga-pants, it's dreadful.
      I agree and well-said-Fred, "Whoever invented Casual Friday has a lot to answer for." !!

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    3. I was discussing "business casual" with an older colleague, and he claimed to remember the days when even on the weekend, if you came into the office in a blazer and slacks, the PTB would hold it against you. One of them told my friend, "This firm is not a damn yacht club."

      I run up to Pilates in exercise wear in the winter, changing there is such a hassle, but I'm always covered by a coat. A real coat, not something that "hits at high hip."

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  4. A good read, WFF. I like the mix of colors in your outfit. I wore the same colors today, I just realized. Casual Friday is one of the reasons they've taken to writing & publishing dress codes for offices. They used to not have to spell things out like that before. Wear your jacket upstate. They will know you Are From The City. ;)

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  5. Thanks, Gigi! The scariest clothes I've ever seen in daylight were when I was driving through eastern Oregon. My Nameless Relative used to say "What you see when you haven't got your gun!" when he saw someone peculiarly dressed. Well, these folks had gotten dressed in a hurry from someone else's clothesline, and they had guns.

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  6. Great post, WFF! I feel like maybe the style people write their "Everybody needs a WHITE SHIRT!" books for those women who walk around 24-7 in sweatpants but carry designer handbags. "Ta-daa! I'm a fashionista now, right? I can't possibly look like a slob - my purse cost $2,000!" FYI: UR DOIN IT RONG. Please put on this white shirt because it covers up the "PinkJuicyPrincess" stamped on your ass.

    "...the people on stage are working very hard to give you a lovely experience, and you should dress to show some respect." Thisthisthis a million times this.

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    1. Hahaha Whitney, that is hilarious. It's funny because it's so very true!

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  7. Thanks, Whitney! Now I understand the untucked look! (and I can't believe that people are still buying those Juicy velour pants suits, but apparently they are. Sigh.)

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  8. I love your banner, is that your own creation? It's beautiful.

    Interesting post. You obviously put thought into your outfits. I think dressing appropriately is a dying skill and casual Friday is one of the worst ideas ever. I don't expect people to wear suits every day but some outfits would be made "dressier" with the addition of a bathrobe. Don't go to any effort now!

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    1. Thanks, xoxo, but no, it's the blog's Christmas card to the readers.

      I don't think about outfits all that much or I wouldn't get dressed from what's left over in the dining room, I think it's more that I tend to buy things in the same color families and seasonally, in fabrics that are appropriate for the season. Please no remarks about Garanimals.

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  9. Fun post. My moto is I always prefer to be over dressed than under dressed. Let them think I'm coming from or going to some other event!! Dressing well is a matter of personal pride. I got over having people comment on how well I was dressed years ago...plus it helps with airline upgrades:). Casual does not equal sloppy, but some people missed that memo!
    A pair plus one = a threesome I think.

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    1. Hi, A Well Styled Life, in agreement about personal pride, not so sure about the threesome. Should my clothes be having a more active social life than I am?

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  10. WFF, it makes me sniff in my hankie to think about it, but I'd take the mini over the yoga crops (thick cut-off tights really). At least it's a skirt, and bedazzling is only marginally better than cheek suction. We'd have to cover either one with one of those white shirts, or any stray vestements, choir gowns, altar robes, at the door tho'.

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  11. Ooh, I was so happy to see a nice long post from you after a day working on my laptop,flattening the butt.

    I note that some meetings I attend now spell o-u-t Business Casual as opposed to the other casual for those that had not noticed hoodies and sneaks are inappropriate. I proudly own no hoodies although they are fine for casual wear.

    Weekend wear in a work setting: I hate to see people making rounds in jeans and a non-collared T, sloppy sweater of jacket; I think it is disrepectful. ( I did not allow residents to wear scrubs which belong in the OR; now they are worn on TV to display the biceps).

    Jeans to the opera (shuddering)

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  12. Thanks, Lane! I was wondering if the time would come when Business Casual would go the way of Prohibition, but then again that took an act of Congress which is more and more unlikely.

    In many countries men have not worn ties since the 1940's, for a variety of reasons, generally some kind of political statement ("I am a native of this Land," "I am not a capitalist," "I am a man of the people.") But I fail to perceive any but the most demeaning self-image in the wearing of pajamas or equivalent "in front of people," as my mom would say. I understand that it's supposed to represent a self-image that's so healthy that laundry and ironing are unnecessary, but this is not what it conveys.

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  13. Hi Fred-As usual, late to the party(and oh! such a good one)now that I've played Santa to 41, I can get back to the important things, such as laughing my(non Juicy plastered) arse off at this most humorous post and comments. I always wonder what the fashion historians will write about the overstuffed spandex age we are living in-my thought being of course that they will show shots of teenage wraiths strutting it on the runway, omitting entirely the the general public's interpretation of the style, as they wait in the popcorn line at the movies. I love the "hair in rollers" cartoon-so true! Christmas shopping has been so painful visually, there are at least two generations now that have no clue how to dress for any ocassion.

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  14. Hi, David, fashion historians will no doubt trace it all back to the Swinging London of the 60's and the Decade That Time Forgot (the 70's), which isn't really fair since people took a lot of trouble with their appearance in those years.

    The Christmas shoppers have arrived, you would think that if all they wanted to do was stand still in the middle of the sidewalk or halfway through a door while looking at their phones they could have saved the money and stared at the phone at home. (Grinch moment.)

    Have a lovely weekend!

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