Merry Christmas to all!


Merry Christmas to all! 
This is a re-post of one of my favorite expressions 
of holiday cheer, The Night Before Christmas.

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the flat
Not a creature was stirring, not a bug, not a rat.
Himself in some sweatpants that had seen better days
and I still bone-weary from shopping malaise
Were snacking while sitting in front of the tree
and watching the Yule Log flicker on the TV
When outside on the terrace there arose such a clatter
We grabbed for our Go-Bags, then checked what was the matter.
In New York we've had Go-Bags for more than ten years;
The office provides them in profit-centered fear
that in a crisis we'd rush home without that tiny ration
of band-aid, tinfoil blanket, power bar and Dasani hydration.

At home I'm better ready, I grew up as a Scout.
I'm Prepared for emergencies and won't be without
a bottle of cognac, a warm cashmere throw
and some Drake's Yankee Doodles, they're what I know
will get us through trouble by night or day -
those chemical cakes are indestructible
cognac's medicinal, that's ineluctable -
even though cashmere's somewhat of a cliché.

But out on the terrace – a real jaw-dropper:
a visit from Santa and his new lead reindeer Shopper!

“Where's Rudolf?” I cried, “and his nose of Bright Flame?”
“It's called Maraschino, so he stayed home in shame,”
Santa sighed, as he called to the team
Of reindeer that worked on a measly per diem.
“On Clearance, on Killer, on Twofer and Blitzen,
on Markdown, on Promo, on Goner and Sitzen!”

“But aren't you meant to be up in the sky?”
“Not so much,” replied Santa, with a tear in his eye.
“The prices were falling so early this year,
everyone bought her own gifts, which is why I am here.
The reindeer walked out in a regular snit,
So I took on these new guys who just can't commit.
I'm just riding around out of habit, I guess.”
We gave him some Doodles and some cognac no less.
And we heard him exclaim as he rose out of sight
Merry Christmas to All and To All a Good Night!

26 comments:

  1. Brilliant.

    A very merry, dearest Fred and Himself!

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  2. thanks, Raina, and much merriment to you and yours!

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  3. Terrific:)
    Your go bag is right up my alley.
    Love the "team" pulling the sleigh.
    Merry Christmas

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    1. thanks, A Well Styled Life, and Merry Christmas to you and your family!

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  4. Wishing you and Himself a very Merry Christmas, wellfedfred! Enjoy your day! :)

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  5. Have a lovely Christmas, FFM, and thank you!

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  6. Too funny! I will look for them next year! Merry Christmas!

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    1. and the merriest of Christmases to you and yours, wendy!

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  7. Best wishes for a Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year, WFF!!

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    1. thanks, Louise, and Merry Christmas to you and your family, too!

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  8. Wishing you and your husband a wonderful Christmas WFF.

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    1. thanks, xoxo, and the merriest of Christmases to you and yours!

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  9. Oh no, not THOSE reindeer again! ;)

    Merry Christmas to you and yours, WFF!

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    1. Hi, tiffany rose, yes, apparently the commitment phobia has been at least temporarily overcome and the guys are still with Santa....

      Have a merry!

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  10. Replies
    1. and you, ABC, I wish you health and contentment in the New Year!

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  11. Too funny as always! I have not heard Drakes Yankee Doodles mentioned in many years. My mother used to put Yankee Doodles (or Yodels) in my school lunch box.
    We celebrated Chanukah already but we are roasting a turkey and making a special meal today just to enjoy the festive mood of the season and our family being at home together.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family and have a very healthy and happy New Year.

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    1. and much merriment to you and yours, AmW!

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  12. Still funny! Have a merry Chirstmas, WFF!

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  13. Happiest of holidays to you and yours!

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    1. and the merriest of Christmases to you, Child and Husband, egyptomaniac!

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  14. So much fun Fred. Thank you for many belly laughs. How did the cooking fall into you lap? Hope dinner was a feast and that you remembered to steer clear of the killer kale.
    AA

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  15. oh, I just decided it was easier to cook than to sit in traffic... let others do the traveling. Have a great holiday!

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  16. Belated Merry Xmas WFF! Those new reindeers are scary!

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    1. and to you, Ema! scary but fashion-forward...

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