there must be seasonal employees at the North Pole

The elves have got the sled all ready

There are new elves this year,
meet Lou, Mike and Eddie.
Lou has gotten tired and slack
from repacking the merch that I've sent back

so the pace is set by happy Mike
who zooms around on an unsold Target collaboration bike.
He's not embarrassed to be seen
on transport in purple, pink and green:
If it hasn't sold, they eat it or wear it.
That's why the elves are covered in glitter
but a diet of fruitcake has not made them bitter --
if you're part of the elf crew, you learn to bear it.
The rejects are sorted by brave little Eddie,
who works with eyes closed and fingers unsteady
which is why we sometimes find
sad surprises in our boxes
mismatched plaids, stripes unaligned,
and not that cute sweater with the little foxes.
Another new face is the list-checker Schlepper.
His job's to keep track of who's naughty and nice.
He goes through every request and letter,
He reads them once, forgets them twice.
Oh, happy elves! Oh, temps of the season!
I'd join your carefree elfin dance
'mid cashmere fuzzes and fallen spangles,
if I only understood your reason
for sending me these positively miniscule green pants
which barely cover my shins and ankles.


  1. uh oh...

    SOunds like me and the navy polka dot skirt that went back yesterday and which I could hardly breath in. Some is me, a lot is "them". sigh...

    1. WMM. I think some of the factories are deliberately shorting the orders....

  2. Ha! My elf battalion have been very good this year, must be all the gentle threats I've been issuing. Merry Christmas!

  3. And here I thought I was single handedly keeping UPS afloat.
    Merry Christmas!!

    1. It's a group effort, we all have to do our parts.

  4. You know it's tanking when the UPS man jumps out of the truck and asks me why I'm not ordering from Crew in the parking lot while grocery shopping.
    Merry Christmas

      Merry Christmas to you, too, Marsha!

  5. Lol, I love it!
    Merry Christmas to you and yours, thank you for bringing so much laughter to us throughout the year!


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