Santa Clone is coming to town

      With thanks to the witty and talented Dave Granlund for the chuckle and the inspiration --
a space-age country-western Christmas folk-y ballad

The reindeer have taken early retirement
Like the cops and the teachers and even some firemen
Their overworked hooves are worn and sore
From rushing to move packages from store to shining store.

"I want to decorate my stall, I want to light my way
Across the snowy meadow where the deer and the antelope play."

Go roam with the buffalo, you lazy old goats,
I'll manage without you, no fear.
I'm trimming the workforce and pushing the quota
as quarterly statements draw near.
For efficiency's sake I'm no longer wrapping
And the children are texting their lists.
Look up in the sky, do you hear something flapping?
Compared to last year I'm way ahead
Without an elf, without a sled,
and there isn't a present I've missed.

Each dear little boy will get a fedora,
Each girl will get scarlet-rimmed glasses
To each dad, a home-brew kit
(a guaranteed base hit)
And each mom a Givenchy Pandora,
Distributed by non-union drones
and little Frank and Jenna clones
trailing clouds of fuzzy angora.

coda
Farewell to you, reindeer,
Farewell to you, sled
Farewell to keeping the barn clean
and getting the elves out of bed.
I too am moving with the times
To an offshore island in sunny climes
and an unending supply of rum and limes.

17 comments:

  1. The drones scare the bejesus out of me! ;-0

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    1. Then you should equip yourself with a remote-controlled toy helicopter! I was looking at them, some are even armed.

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    2. My BF has one of those Parrot drones and they are indeed creepy! He can fly it just using his phone and it's got a camera attached! Talk about I-spy!

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  2. Santa Clone this year, Santa Drones the next. Not sure it will "fly", remember when the segue was billed as the most revolutionary invention ever and was going to change the world. Maybe, if you're a mall cop.

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    1. I really didn't like the idea of going to work on a scooter. But one of the things I love about the Christmas season is the way goofy ideas pop up.

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  3. I found the 60 Minutes report about Amazon's plans to deliver packages to your door with mini drones very unsettling. I much prefer Santa or the UPS man!

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    1. Yes, the possibilities for errors are infinite.

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  4. WFF,
    A flawless ode, capped by an image from a favorite Jimmy Buffett carol. Perfection!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, KnitYarns! A little merriment is good for the heart.

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  5. Another idea that will hopefully collect dust in some archive...even if it's a digital one!

    Great ballad, wff!

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  6. I keep thinking it must be a joke but maybe I'm just too lazy to imagine the possible. I dunno, I suppose other generations thought what we think of as necessary and normal as insanity and impossible.

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    1. I have little-girl memories of hearing parents battling over whether color tv was just a fad. And the other day someone whined at me that the remote wasn't working and we were out of its favorite batteries - I told him to arise from the sofa, walk to the box, and change the channel by hand. You know, like the early settlers had to.

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  7. This is helping me get in the mood! Good rhymin' here,Fred!

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    1. Thanks, Lane, there ha ent been many silly rhymes this year., but maybe next year will be more inspiring.

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  8. Oh have a have a fabulous time in the sunny climes with the limes and the singing dancing rhymes, Just had a quickest trip to NY - very last min, next time, let's get together!

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