Santa Clone is coming to town

      With thanks to the witty and talented Dave Granlund for the chuckle and the inspiration --

a space-age country-western Christmas folk-y ballad

The reindeer have taken early retirement

Like the cops and the teachers and even some firemen

Their overworked hooves are worn and sore

From rushing to move packages from store to shining store.

"I want to decorate my stall, I want to light my way

Across the snowy meadow where the deer and the antelope play."

Go roam with the buffalo, you lazy old goats,

I'll manage without you, no fear.

I'm trimming the workforce and pushing the quota

as quarterly statements draw near.

For efficiency's sake I'm no longer wrapping

And the children are texting their lists.

Look up in the sky, do you hear something flapping?

Compared to last year I'm way ahead

Without an elf, without a sled,

and there isn't a present I've missed.

Each dear little boy will get a fedora,

Each girl will get scarlet-rimmed glasses

To each dad, a home-brew kit

(a guaranteed base hit)

And each mom a Givenchy Pandora,

Distributed by non-union drones

and little Frank and Jenna clones

trailing clouds of fuzzy angora.

coda

Farewell to you, reindeer,

Farewell to you, sled

Farewell to keeping the barn clean
and getting the elves out of bed.

I too am moving with the times

To an offshore island in sunny climes

and an unending supply of rum and limes.