a necessary letter to Santa

Dear Santa, please don't bring me a triple roll of paper towels. Stop and think. They are NOT dreamy. Thank you for your kind consideration.


Oh, and here's the part of this post that blogger dropped on my earlier attempt:

I think that first and foremost, a gift should be festive, and should be chosen with the aim of pleasing the recipient. I have mixed feelings about "practical" gifts. If chosen with love and thought, there's nothing better. On the other hand, if chosen with the not-too-well hidden message that it's time you did something about yourself or your home or your lawn -- FAIL.

Thus, a 3-pack of costly Chanel soaps in the recipient's favorite scent - WIN. A 3-pack of Dial or Lifebuoy, not so much, unless the recipient has recently been heard to complain that all the stores near her have stopped carrying this product which is her longtime favorite.
Another problematic gift is that which seeks to stimulate a new interest or skill in the recipient. I received a kit that contained a pair of knitting needles, some yarn, and a VERY CLEAR ILLUSTRATED INSTRUCTION BOOKLET when I was 10, and I loved it. The palette of 28 different frosted eye shadows that appeared, with diagrams, about 20 years later - not so much.
While I'm on the subject (sort of), my ears still ring from a 10th grade shopping trip with a girlfriend which resulted in us buying her 3-year-old brother the extra gigantic size carton of Lincoln Logs. My friend's mother made us both swear that we'd be responsible for picking up the pieces every time he went to play with it, and not letting him build anything near the stairs.

I have to mention the time someone who has begged me to let her remain unnamed got our grandmother an ant farm for Christmas.

And as for gifts from my late MIL, I've mentioned the ugly housedress on the blog often enough, but what about the giant string mop she thoughtfully bought for me from the school janitor?
Yes, I said late, but I have a VERY GOOD ALIBI.





16 comments:

  1. I can't lie. My big Black Friday purchase this year was three cheap 18 packs of toilet paper and I was so excited and proud of my find. Also for whatever reason my mother gives us a giant bag filled with paper towels, tissues, napkins and toilet paper on Christmas. It has become a strange tradition as they are things you alway need but hate to buy. That being said if it was my only gift I would be quite disappointed and shame on Walmart for stating paper towels are dreamy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love a good buy at a great price. I was meant to live under capitalism. Fortunately I can afford to walk away from price gouging, otherwise I might not be so matter-of-fact.

      Unusual presents abound in our family, too.

      Delete
  2. I suppose it would be worse if they were "chosen for you". Spoiler alert-for a post I have yet to have time to write- one of my crochet booklets is advertised at Walmart, and the copy reads, "does not need batteries" . And, we are a nation of unemployed college graduates. Be very afraid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. does not need batteries because it's pre-loaded? self-detonating?

      Delete
  3. Believe it or not, and I swear it's true, my brother-in-law gave us toilet paper for Christmas. He had a couple of shares of Kimberly -Clark stock, they make, among other things, toilet paper. So I guess he thought it was an appropriate gift.

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    Replies
    1. or it was a door prize at a stockholders' meeting and he regifted?

      Delete
  4. Oh that's hysterical! I have had my share of lousy gifts: some are born good gifters, others have gifting thrust upon them - to often disastrous results. The mop s the worst!

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    Replies
    1. I stopped telling myself "it's the thought that counts" when it occurred to me that some people are simply incapable of having kind, pleasant, unselfish thoughts.

      Delete
  5. I've gotten plenty of lousy gifts. My husband bought me a broom one year, early on in our marriage. He is loath to even say that word out loud around me ever since.

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  6. I got a hand vacuum once which was so useless BC I don't vacuum - I wipe scrub but never vacuum. I didn't get insulted but others were on my behalf when I told them. I ask my husband directly what I want which oddly annoys others not involved but I just don't need sequinned Liza Bruce kaftans nor do I want a Botox session with a top dermatologist as suggested by some friends who tried to break our "unromantic@ arrangement. What would have been unromantic would be me questioning why the hell he didn't ask what I wanted!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. see, I think what would have been unromantic would have been him deciding that you really need Botox. Men have died for less cause.

      Delete
  7. You. Must. Be. Joking.? She gave that to you?? Ok, your MIL wins the prize. I don't know what I want. I'll think some more.

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    1. She wasn't out of the building before I asked our janitor if he could get rid of it, and I believe he gave it to an industrial supplies contractor. I didn't want to know. I wanted it away before the kids noticed it and asked where it came from - didn't want any happy little faces blurting out that Mommy threw out the big present from Grandma.

      Delete
  8. I totally agree with your guidelines about what constitutes a great present. I don't want practical gifts - if I need something like that I will buy it throughout the year. I want something frivolous that is a treat. My husband, before we were even married, bought me a deep-fat fryer one year for Christmas. I was so incensed I bought him a trouser press the year after. The trouble was, he loved the trouser press...and the fryer!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Himself is not allowed to shop for me any more. Let's just say that after all these years I'm still a mystery to him.

      Delete

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